Chapter 380: Madam Jiang, I Love You, But This May Be The Furthest I Can Go

Translator: Henyee Translations Editor: Henyee Translations

Qianqian:

It’s 3 a.m. in Paris. Just now, I glanced at the lights outside the window. Everyone said that Paris is the capital of romance. I didn’t think so.

Perhaps it was because I didn’t have you, but my eyes are gray and lifeless.

In the past, when I couldn’t sleep, I would work. My existence seemed to be for this reason, but now, when I couldn’t sleep, my mind was filled with you.

Was this the so-called “missing”?

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I don’t know. If it is, it feels a little bitter, but it doesn’t seem that bitter either.

Qianqian, I want to hug you and hear you call me “Ah Yan”, even if I know that the name you’re calling isn’t me.

But if lying to yourself can make people happier, I want this happiness.

Lin Qingqian’s fingers that were holding the postcard couldn’t help but tremble. Her gaze landed on the date. It was written by him when he went to Paris for a business trip previously.

Putting down this Paris scenery, she picked up another postcard.

Qianqian:

It’s four in the morning. You’re sleeping very soundly with a smile on your lips. You might be having a sweet dream, but I don’t know if I’ve been in your dream before.

Recently, I didn’t dare to fall asleep because I realized that as long as I fell asleep, my consciousness would become very heavy. Even my memories would become intermittent and incomplete.

Actually, it’s good that I can’t sleep. At least, I could hug you and look at you quietly. I want to look at you like this forever.

This sentence was very short and the handwriting was messy. It was probably written in a hurry.

Lin Qingqian changed to another postcard with a sea view.

Qianqian:

I almost lost you. It was so close. I love you so much, but he wants to hurt you…

Why am I Jiang Yan and not Jiang Yanshen? What should I use to protect you?

Qianqian, I just want you to be safe and happy. No matter the price, I’m willing to pay it.

The date was the night she fell into the sea in Sanya. His handwriting was wild and powerful. Just by looking at the handwriting, Lin Qingqian seemed to be able to sense the anger and helplessness he felt when he wrote this sentence.

Perhaps because she had been squatting on the ground for a long time, her legs were a little numb. She sat on the ground and casually picked up the postcard beside the ladder.

Qianqian:

Shen Zhiwei said that I’m but a split personality, so I was born without love. I don’t know much about love, but Shen Zhiwei said that it’s what every woman wants in their life. It’s the reason why you left me.

If love can bring you back to me, I’m willing to learn. Can you teach me?

Don’t give up on me so quickly. Don’t be so cold to me. It’s not that I hate you. I’m just worried…

When you discover one day that I’m not Jiang Yanshen, you’ll reveal a look of disgust. You’ll be like those people, hoping that I’ll disappear…

Qianqian:

Until you appeared… Seeing you bleeding from head to toe, I suddenly thought of myself and my heart softened. I hope that you will learn how to survive in this chaotic world.

Perhaps I’m just too lonely, and every time you look at me with admiration and joy, it ignites a trace of warmth in my cold heart.

Speaking of which, I’m selfish. I don’t understand feelings, but I pretended to be deeply in love to lie to you. Shen Zhiwei said that when you know the truth, you’ll break down and despair…

No, I won’t let this day happen. As long as you’re happy, I can pretend for the rest of my life.

Qianqian:

I don’t know when you’ll see these things. It could be months later, years later, or decades.

No matter what, I hope you can be safe and happy because it’s not worth being sad for a person like me who shouldn’t exist in the world.

I had always thought that my existence was to help him be the successor of the Jiang Family and support Tianyue Group. Now, I understand that I’m just a knife.

However, without an edge, a saber that can’t kill will naturally have no value. I think I don’t have much time left. What else can I do for you?

I can return the young man you first fell for to you. It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t treat you well. I’ll make him treat you as well as I treat you.

Shen Zhiwei always said that I don’t know love and don’t love you. It’s just vanity and possessiveness. The entire world seems to think that I don’t love you, but Qianqian…

If I say that I love you, will you believe me?

When Lin Qingqian saw “I love you, will you believe me?” , the mist that had been lingering in her eyes for a long time could no longer be held back and condensed into beads that fell one by one.

Her tears blurred the words as she read his words line by line, afraid that she would miss a punctuation mark.

Perhaps my original intention was selfish and despicable, but now, I love you. You taught me love. You made this black and white silent world have color and sound. You also let me know that love can be a candied fruit or a blade that can kill.

Qianqian, you will definitely be curious why I gave you the fish kissing necklace. Everyone thinks that kissing fish is a very loving and sweet expression. In fact, fishes kissing is not necessarily sweet. It might also be just a battle. It’s just that this is the only way they can do it.

Don’t they look like us? We look sweet, but we’ve actually been fighting. You have many doubts about me, and I’ve lied to you again and again in order to protect my secrets.

Madam Jiang, I love you. But this may be the furthest I can go with my love. I’m sorry.

The sign-off date was the night before she left for Milan to participate in the competition.

Lin Qingqian was already sobbing uncontrollably. Her pale face was covered in tears, and the postcard in her hand floated to the ground.

There were still many postcards that she had not read. Her heart ached so much that she couldn’t read a single word more.

She arched her legs and bit her arm to barely stop herself from howling. There was pain, anger, and resentment in her heart, but most of it was heartache.

How did he feel every time he sat here and used a pen to dissect his heart word by word?

What kind of mood did he have to accept disappearing from this world?

When he left, did he have a lot to say to her? Was he in a lot of pain?

Lin Qingqian bit her arm until it bled, and her mouth was filled with the smell of blood. She choked with difficulty before letting out a whimper.

She could barely remember what she had said to him during the last call in Milan…

Why didn’t she say more back then? Why didn’t she say “I love you” to him properly back then?

Why didn’t she give him the gift earlier?

Why didn’t she notice that something was wrong with him earlier and didn’t stop him from stopping the medicine…

Remorse was like a knife slowly stabbing into her chest, twisting her internal organs until they broke inch by inch, and her soul shattered.

Jiang Yunshen was in a daze when he heard something. He got up to take a look.

When he walked to the door of the study and saw her sitting on the ground crying, his expression immediately became nervous.

“Sister-in-law, what’s wrong?” He quickly walked forward and squatted down.

“Did you fall?”

Lin Qingqian bit her arm and did not speak, her tears falling like rain.

Seeing that there were no wounds on her body, Jiang Yunshen saw the postcards on the ground. He picked one up and was instantly stunned when he saw the words at the back.

A moment later, he realized that this was written by his Big Brother for his Sister-in-law. He did not continue reading and immediately placed them back in the box.

“Sister-in-law, don’t cry. Big Brother’s heart will ache to death if he sees this.” He was not very comforting, and his comforting words were stuttering without any confidence.

Lin Qingqian acted as if she did not hear anything and was only immersed in regret and grief, like a puppet.

Jiang Yunshen was worried that she would bite herself again and clumsily moved her arm from her mouth. Seeing that the teeth marks on her arm were already bleeding, he frowned very tightly.

“No matter how sad you are, you can’t hurt yourself.”

Lin Qingqian’s curled eyelashes trembled with tears and she was speechless.

Jiang Yunshen took a deep breath and quickly picked up the postcards on the ground and placed it in the box. Then, he stuffed the box into her arms.

He bent down and picked her up horizontally. He turned around and walked out of the study, quickly walking to the bedroom.

The auntie was worried and came up to take a look. When she saw him carrying Lin Qingqian back to the bedroom, she was immediately shocked. “What’s wrong with Madam?”

Jiang Yunshen didn’t explain and instructed, “Bring the medicine box over.”

“Alright, alright, alright. I’ll go now.” The auntie hurriedly went downstairs.

Jiang Yunshen kicked open the bedroom door and walked to the big bed. He carefully placed her on the bed and pulled open the blanket to cover her.

He didn’t know how long she had been sitting on the floor, but her body was as cold as ice.

The auntie sent the medicine box in and said worriedly, “Where is she hurt?”

“Her arm.” Jiang Yunshen took the medicine box and instructed very steadily, “Go and pour a cup of hot water.”

“Alright.” The auntie went out again.

Jiang Yunshen opened the medicine box and sat down by the bed. He pulled her arm and couldn’t help but sigh. “Do you women like to torture yourselves? Just smash things when you’re sad. Why hurt your body?”

As he spoke, he gently wiped the wound with disinfectant cotton. Afraid that she would be in pain, he even blew on it.

From the corner of his eye, he saw her numb expression and knew that he was worried for nothing. Even if he stabbed her now, she probably wouldn’t be able to cry out in pain.

“I know you love Big Brother very much, but Big Brother is no longer around.

No matter how sad you are, he won’t be able to come back.”

Jiang Yunshen comforted her earnestly as he treated her wound. ‘You usually look quite calm. Why did you suddenly become so fragile? This isn’t like you at all.

The tears at the corners of Lin Qingqian’s eyes rolled down silently. Her right hand hugged the box in her arms tightly, as if she was hugging the last straw of her life.

Jiang Yunshen felt that he was playing the lute to a cow. She couldn’t listen to anything now and he couldn’t be bothered to waste his breath.

The auntie came in with a cup of hot water, and he asked the auntie to put it by the bed and go out.

After treating the wound, he reached out to touch the cup that was not so hot anymore. He picked it up and handed it to Lin Qingqian. “Drink the water and rest early. Don’t let your imagination run wild.”

Lin Qingqian sat still like a puppet.

Jiang Yunshen stuffed the cup into her hand and said in a fierce tone, “Lin Qingqian, it wasn’t easy for me to change my opinion of you.. Can you not make me hate you again?”