Chapter 52: Digging into yourself

On behalf of Shiro

It wasn’t long before we drove away from the camp.

So far, so good. There are not too many monsters and they are easy to go around. The guys talked among themselves and sometimes asked me about different things. Nothing interesting.

The only thing that was unusual was that Saya tried not to cross eyes with me. But as soon as I turned away, she began to drill into my back with a strange, thoughtful look.

I know she loves me. He’s been in love for a long time, about a year. Actually, I like Saya too, very much, despite the bitchy, caustic character.

In fact, she is a very gentle, vulnerable person, although she tries to hide it with all her might. A typical tsundere, you can’t say anything.

I won’t hide it, she is my second target after Shizuki. This week I was going to start acting, but it looks like someone beat me to it… Although, how, who? Of course it was Saeko who told her something about me. Something that unsettled her. Or was it Yuriko… In general, it was clearly not without someone else’s intervention. If it is Saeko, then she will be “punished” …

God, what a jerk I am… It almost doesn’t bother me that I’m actually “collecting” a harem.

Madness … I collect women, even if I love them, but still … and what’s next? M? What kind of creature will I become at the end of my adventures?

Maybe that’s how “humanity” is lost? Don’t know. Time will tell.

…

While Shiro was digging into himself, Saya was doing the same. Only the reason was different.

On behalf of Sai

Here he is, sitting side by side, so close. If I stretch out my hand, I can feel it. My dream, my dream.

And at the same time, he is so far away, literally unattainable.

Why do I have such a torment? What did I do wrong?

The reason for my torment is sitting very close.

Shiro. My passion. My curse.

Back in the first year of high school, on an ordinary spring day, at an ordinary break, a very unusual guy stole my heart… Rather, he even vomited.

Then love took possession of me, giving me a feeling of serenity and affection.

Although this pleasant time did not last long. The very next day I found out that he has a couple in the form of Saeko.

I can still remember how bad it was for me. It would seem that only a little time had passed, but the pain in my chest was as if I had known and loved him for years.

For quite a long time I felt terribly bad… And yet time heals… Soon, only irritation and jealousy remained from the former pain.

Love has not gone away. Not weakened, but only strengthened.

But life goes on, all these feelings, emotions did not interfere at all. Moreover, they have become familiar. Now I can’t even imagine what it’s like not to love this white-headed tall woman.

The apocalypse has come and the usual, quiet life has turned upside down.

Not only is my life always in danger now, but the feelings familiar to him have “flared up”. Maybe out of desperation, maybe out of fear, or maybe because it was the first time I was so close to him.

I’m ashamed to admit, but deep down I hoped that Saeko would die and I could take her place, comforting Shiro. It’s just him and me in this fading world…

I know it’s disgusting, I know. But these treacherous thoughts sometimes visited me. Still remembering it, I feel contempt for myself.

Then, on the same day, at Shizuki’s friend’s house, Saeko blew my brain with a statement that she wouldn’t mind sharing Shiro.

Part of me was delighted, because there was finally at least some opportunity to get closer to my love.

And another part of me felt rage, anger towards Saeko, because it seemed to me that she did not love Shiro. I was sure that a loving person is not capable of such stupidity as “sharing” a loved one, because it is impossible. Although then I realized that she loves Shiro like no one else.

It was from that day that the two halves of “me” fought in me. One of them screamed to agree to this strange relationship, forced her to jump on Shiro, grab him and never let him go, even on pain of death…

The other half, on the contrary, was against this relationship. Greed, pride… This is only a small part of what filled her.

I didn’t want to share Shiro with anyone. No, not like that. I couldn’t afford to share it with anyone.

Well, then, only worse…

Father’s death. Shiro saves everyone and becomes the head of the camp.

All this also had a strong effect on me.

But yesterday I suffered a stroke again… Shizuka decided to join Shiro’s harem.

Passionate cries of pleasure that flew out of their room like needles pricked me.

I wanted to go and jump on Shiro in a passionate rush, Shizuka decided after all.

And at the same time, I wanted to get up and run away, screaming, far away, so as not to hear such painful sounds. As a result, I just lay undecided and quietly cried.

In the morning, I woke up crying all over. After the shower, I had to go to the damn room to meet Saeko. And already there another blow was waiting for me.

Some time earlier

Shiro’s room

On behalf of Takagi Sai

Gathering my courage, I opened the damn door and saw a “shining” Shizuka and, as usual, a pacified Saeko.

–Ah, it’s Saya-chan! Good morning! Morikawa said energetically and extremely positively, looking at me. I wanted to pull that smile off her face…

It didn’t escape me that Shizuka had become more beautiful. In my opinion, she seemed to have grown younger, while not losing her mature charm… It’s complete nonsense, I probably have something with my eyes after that night … I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s the case.

– Good morning, congratulations to you Shizuka. I muttered, looking at her with envy … because I could also be in her place…

– Thank you! Shiro already told you about us, right? “What is it?” she asked happily.

Is this a joke? Or is she deliberately mocking me?

– Are you kidding? There is not very good sound insulation in this building, there is no electricity, everything is quiet. I replied in a skeptical tone and looked at Shizuka with envy and strong irritation… Why is she provoking me?

– Um… did you hear much? – with blushing cheeks, Shizuka asked.

No, she’s seriously mocking me!

– The echo of your screams was heard even on the street. – with an “empty” face, I replied, trying not to betray my emotions. True, it turned out to be too hard to hide a jealous look.

– Oh, my God! It’s a shame! she clutched her cheeks in embarrassment… I’ll be a fool if I don’t see how happy she is about it!

“Thanks to you and Saeko, the camp is full of rumors about Shiro’s masculine prowess. I said, hiding the anger, resentment in my voice and looking at Shizuka with a devouring look.

– Oh, it didn’t work out well. Trouble, trouble…. “repenting,” Shizuka said with shame… BITCH!

While I was talking to the nurse, Saeko was calmly drinking tea and scanning me with her eyes all this time. It feels like I’m completely naked in front of her, I can’t hide anything…

– Saeko, you asked me to come in the morning. I said, deciding to move on to the purpose of my arrival. And yet my strange look was noticeable.

– Yes, thank you for coming. Saya, what do you think of Shiro? – she asked with interest. There was interest in her gaze.

Hearing her question, I did not arbitrarily tense up and looked at her suspiciously, wondering what she was up to.

Something’s not right here. She couldn’t have called me just for the sake of this question.

– Shiro is a great leader and a great fighter… – I began to say, reading out as if by a manual, as Saeko was interrupted in an instant…

“Do you love him?” – she asked innocently, thereby blowing up my brain.

For a moment, my mind went blank. However, not a single thought that I died for a second,

Then my whole body tensed, like an animal before a fight.

Strong emotions that managed to hide broke out and flooded the mind.

I wanted to cry right now. From resentment, from injustice.

And yet, finding the strength in myself, I answered.

– What’s all this about Saeko? – a voice soaked with sadness and resentment burst out of my throat. Tears already wanted to fill my eyes, but I restrained myself.

Hearing me, Saeko smoothly removed the cup of tea and calmly got to her feet, slowly came close to me.

– Do you want to be his girlfriend? “What is it?” she asked as she approached, her eyes like swords staring at me.

I couldn’t look her in the eye for long. I didn’t want to show her my emotions, and I was afraid that I might not be able to withstand the pressure and cry.

Her stinging words resonated inside me, with my desires.

But Saeko didn’t want to let me go and soon started attacking again.

Saeko – Although no, not like that. Let me ask you something else. Saya, do you want to join Shiro’s harem? ” What is it ? ” she asked calmly… In response, my body trembled.

These words I longed and at the same time was afraid to hear.

Saeko’s words were like the sweet whisper of the tempting devil.

This is the moment when I have a chance to fulfill my dream. But I struggled internally with myself, trying to overcome my desires.

I wanted to say “Yes” at the same time, but I could only afford to say “No”.

Time passed. Seconds turned into minutes.

Finally gathering my courage, I raised my head and looked at Saeko with a challenge, answered.

– I refuse. – I said firmly, looking into her eyes.

I expected to see at least some emotions from Saeko, but she just smiled calmly as usual.

“Are you sure?” – she asked with a smile, looking at me like a child… WHY THE HELL ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT!?

– I’m sure. I’m not like you. I will not allow myself to be so humiliated! I respect myself! I have pride! Love is just a set of chemical reactions taking place in the body! It won’t be long before all this “love” wears off, and I will continue to live without changing myself! – I spoke in a “confident” tone… to be honest, it sounded completely like self-deception… even though it was him. If I had heard my speech from the outside, I would never have believed in its truthfulness.

Saeko didn’t change in any way while listening to me. She still looked at me with a smile as if I was a naughty child… But then I caught Shizuki’s eye… She looked at me with pity… she! I WATCHED IT! ON ME! WITH PITY! I DON’T NEED PITY!

I felt like I was already one foot in hysterics.