Chapter 618 – Why Rely On Anger?

Eldrian completely ignored the fact that the guy was also an elf, and had been talking with Zamia and Agamemas. Clear clues that he must be some bigshot. 

“I’ve read a bit about curses, and the crux is that I fell for it.”

“A curse isn’t some sort of trap. It is far more-” Athtar wanted to counter but Eldrian interrupted him mid-speech, an action that brought a smile to the elf. Something that he had not experienced in eons. 

“I let it influence me! It is on me! I allowed it to alter me! To change me! Me!”

Athtar smiled, not bothering for the spit and blood that flew through the air as Eldrian shouted. “Yes, that is very true. A curse corrupts, it can blind you and feed your hatred or pride. However, it is indeed your fault for allowing it. The curse only amplified what was happening inside of you.”

Eldrian’s arms twitched, he wanted to beat himself. Slam himself against a wall, kick his legs against a wall until they broke. He wanted to vent, to punish himself. 

“I have a question for you…” Athtar smiled, pausing to wait for Eldrian to look him in the eyes. “Why do you only rely on your aura of wrath?”

“What else could I have done?!”

“You have two, no? Why do you always turn to anger?”

“Because it answers!” Eldrian shouted, not even having finished his thoughts before replying. He froze as the words echoed in his mind.

‘It answers? Does it really? Or does it simply allow me to forget and lash out? Allows me to momentarily feel better, only to feel so much worse after. No, it did save Ceph, but…’ They were now in the plains, but as Eldrian moved his head he recalled the destruction that had been brought by his actions. 

“I see, if that is the case, then the answer is quite simple.” Standing up, Athtar offered his hand to Eldrian who simply stared at him in confusion after returning his sights to the elf. “You must learn how to use the other, else you will never be able to tame the beast within in.”

“W-what do you mean?” Eldrian asked, skeptical of the elf’s offer.

“Rage is an easy emotion for all, even to those who lack an aura. It can supply them with great strength. However, just as easily one can become lost in rage. Becoming blinded.”

“I do not know why your emotions are so strong, and the fact that you have two auras certainly proves that you are special.” Athtar paused, seeing Eldrian still not taking the offered hand he returned it to his side and took a seat next to Eldrian.

The elf turned to look at the night sky. A sky that has not changed, that seemed to ignore the events that had transpired just minutes before. 

“Do you know what emotions are?” Athtar asked, and while Eldrian was not in the mood for theoretical talk, he somehow managed to move past his anger, to momentarily forget everything and focus on the topic. 

“It’s a state of the mind.” Eldrian replied, “A concept that connects thoughts with the physical.”

“Oh my! What an interesting answer.” Athtar nodded, “If it is a state of mind, then are you saying that emotions are something that is ever-present. That you can never be without?”

“Naturally. It is part of who we are, as-” Eldrian paused, he wanted to say, humans. However, currently, he was in an elven form and the person he was talking to was also an elf. 

“A part of who we are, you say? And when you think of your thoughts, are they emotions or not?”

“Of course not, though… Thoughts contain emotions, or rather, they might contain emotions.”

“Then what are thoughts?”

‘What are thoughts? Why is he asking me? I just-‘, “You’re trying to distract me!”

“Well, of course. Sulking will do no one any good. I thought you would appreciate some debating.”

“But this isn’t debating, you’re just asking questions!”

“You might be right, I can’t exactly say anything first or there would be no meaning to it,” Athtar replied with a smile. Eldrian was finally fully pulled from other thoughts as he started connecting the dots.

“Who are you?”

“I’m Athtar, but that isn’t important right now.” Athtar didn’t believe his name would mean anything to Eldrian, and that Eldrian would attempt to pressure for a better answer. 

However, Eldrian had needed just the name. “I see, then what aura do you have?”

The question caught Athtar slightly off guard, but he recovered quickly. “The aura of tranquility, the one you seem to be underusing.”

“How are you supposed to use it?” Eldrian countered and continued on.

“It requires you to keep your emotions in check, to stay in a neutral state. Something like that; it is impossible. You can’t rely on something that requires perfect conditions. So it is only natural that I turned to wrath- It answers…” Eldrian’s last words were but a whisper, but Athtar clearly picked up on them. 

“That is where you are wrong. I’ll ask again, what do you think thoughts are?”

Eldrian took the question far more seriously this time. He wasn’t exactly sure who the elf was, but he was pretty sure the guy was at the same level, or even above Zamia. 

“Thoughts… I doubt you can give them a simple definition in simple words, and I do not know the words to describe them.” Eldrian said, “If I had to try, then they would be like living memories. Thoughts are our connection with the world, if we could not think then we could not live.”

“We can’t live without them? Why? Are you saying that animals do not live?”

“I doubt they do not think, I know they can learn and remember. Therefore they must think, and thus they are living.” 

“What of insects and-“

“It doesn’t matter, they too are able to experience things. Thoughts… They are how we analyze the world, how we experience. As long as something can experience something, then it is alive… But, why did this suddenly become about whether something lives or not?”

“I was simply curious.” Athtar replied while smiling, “Then, what would you classify as dead?”

Eldrian wanted to simply answer rocks and such, it seemed simple enough. However, he paused as he considered the fact that mana existed, that magic existed. That it was possible for metals to evolve, that it was possible for mana to react to thoughts. 

“I’m not sure. I would like to say things like dirt, sand, rocks. However, depending on if mana interacts with it my answer might change.”

“Oh? Do you consider mana to be living?”

‘No,’ Eldrian wanted to reply, but again he paused. He realized that his defining life via experience meant that mana does live. However, while mana reacts to things it does not do so consciously. 

Yet, how could he know this? How could he prove this? Was he even right?

“I’m not sure. It seems to act in a manner that makes me believe it might experience things, which means it might be alive. But I don’t think that is correct, rather I believe my definition of what life is, is lacking.”

“Then, will you redefine how you define life or will you make exceptions?” Athtar was shocked that Eldrian already knew that mana could act upon stimuli. It was normally something that took years and years of experimentation to find. 

Yet, Eldrian, like all other Chosen, had been in this world for less than a year. His speed was shocking, and thanks to that it now made sense why he could cause such a calamity. 

Growth without foundation was bound to be unstable. And his growth was too great, far far too great for his foundation. 

AN: Oops, forgot to set the timer this time.. Well, hope you enjoy the slightly earlier chapter.