Chapter 54

As soon as I returned “Home,” I came out from the carriage in front of the main gate and headed straight to my place without having time to talk to the butler, maid, and knight general who welcomed me.

And then I just let myself go to sleep.

I slept soundly without dreaming for the first time in a while. When I finally opened my eyes, it was in the middle of the night.

I carefully headed downstairs, wearing a robe and shawl over, without making a sound, so that I wouldn’t wake Gwen up.

The appearance of the mansion wrapped in complete darkness would normally have felt strange, but at this moment, I felt comfortable.

……Isn’t it bad to come out and wander around at such a time when everyone is asleep?

As I moved to the backyard, I saw a cute view of a large and small snowman and a snow castle. Did they come out and play while I was asleep? It would be best if the children remained the same as usual.

I thought I’d never see them again. I guess I’m luckier than I thought.

How many people in the world have died once and got a second chance?

I looked up at the sky with countless stars, sniffing and pouring in the cold air flowing into my nose.

If my dead husband was looking at me, what would he be thinking about by now? I don’t think he would be very angry, but no matter how adult-like a man was, he would have been a little hurt if he was humiliated like that.

Cough, I’m sorry, Johannes, but you told me… ..

It was then that the sound of footsteps on thick snow was heard. I stood in the middle of the backyard, looking up at the sky, shaking my head as I apologized to the deceased.

“Jeremy…? Didn’t you sleep yet?”

Jeremy seemed to be awake even though he was supposed to be asleep.

The boy, who appeared in his pajamas and was coming this way in the cold night air, suddenly stopped about five feet away and stared at me. His dark green eyes, which had always been sparkling with boyish playfulness, seemed to sway strangely

“You have to wear a gown. If you come out like that, you’ll catch a cold.”

Then, I took off the shawl over my shoulder.

The boy who looked at me with a strange expression opened his mouth and uttered things that I had never heard before, “If you want to meet Theo, meet him.”

“Huh?”

“So whoever it’s, even if he is the Crown Prince, if anyone likes you… …and if you like him, meet him. I don’t care if you remarry.”

Why the hell are you saying this all of a sudden? Maybe he’s mad at me because I couldn’t behave properly and was swayed by Theobalt’s courtship? Or because of what I said in court earlier?

I think it’s both. Yeah, well, it’s understandable.

“Jeremy, I told you it isn’t like that. I was just swept away because it’s been so long that someone showed interest in me. I’m not in a position to give my heart to anyone yet.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

He came closer to me, shaking his head roughly. Emerald eyes that glistened faintly in the dark seemed to be blazing, making me cringe without realizing it.

“I don’t mean… ..but I won’t stop you if you turn away from us now.”

“What…”

“There must be enough people who like you, who will give you the treatment you deserve. From now on, I mean, I mean, Shuri–“

It took him a long time to speak again. There seemed to be faint water in the dark green eyes, which seemed to be seething with complex emotions, seemed to show faint water.

“The responsibility my father placed on you was unjust.”

“You…”

“My family… It’s right for us to take responsibility for our family. We’re the reason you are suffering so much… There’s no reason for you to be hurt by others’ immature children who can’t appreciate your efforts.”

I don’t know how I look right now, but I think it’s quite similar to the face the Empress made in court.

What is this guy talking about? Is this Jeremy in front of me?

“What are you talking about…”

“You know best. I don’t know why you’re so close to us and why you’re so willing to risk insulting yourself in front of people to protect someone like me. There’s really no reason for you to waste your whole life on us just to keep the will of the dead.”

“……Jeremy.”

“Like in that dream you’ve been through so vividly… ..don’t waste your precious life on guys like us. Rather, believe it was a precognitive dream and do as you wish from now on. If you take the chance and turn away from us, we won’t die, and we won’t blame you.”

“You’ve done enough already, so you’re fully qualified to think about yourself from now on, so don’t worry about our feelings and do everything you want. It doesn’t matter if you leave or remarry. So, please, please… Let us go while you still can.”

“Don’t look back, don’t hesitate, don’t stop in the middle… Just think of yourself.”

While I was literally in daze, Jeremy was giving me a mournful look that was even difficult for me to bear.

Tears fell from his eyes.

I stretched out one hand and wiped the boy’s pale cheeks from tears. Then I put the shawl in my other hand on his shoulder.

“Do you really want that? There’s a lot more I haven’t done for you yet. I couldn’t do anything I wanted to do for you or anything I wanted to do with you.”

“….Shuri.”

“My foolish son, I will do what I did in the dream over and over again, and I will remain with you the same as I have ever been. It’s the life I want, I want to live as your mother.”

A stream of cool wind blew through our hair.

A stem of cool wind blew and passed through our hair.

At the end of the night, a bluish dawn was coming. Our wandering childhood was coming to an end.