When I reach my room, I send my maids away, and I collapse on the bed. I don’t even notice that I’ve started crying, but I don’t want to stop.

It’s the second time in a few days that I end up sobbing, it’s becoming bothering.

However, I prefer crying my soul out to keeping this piercing pain in my chest. Lady Elisabeth hit my most sensitive point: my undeniable failure as a ruler.

Complaining and whining won’t solve anything, but I need to stop for a few minutes and despair.

Despite my bold words, I can’t even take the privilege to avenge myself. If lady Elisabeth is my husband’s mistress, he won’t let me move war against her. No matter how much he likes me, he won’t let me trample over his other women.

In the end, I made a mistake. When I rejected the Duke, a few days ago, he looked for other ladies. It was actually predictable, but I hoped the Duke wasn’t that kind of person.

I take a look at the paper with my plans, and I remember how Alexander guessed that there was a table in the middle. I look at the last lines, and I sigh.

If the Duke looks for a mistress, I planned to take a hundred-eighty turn and convince him that it’s better to have a single wife than several mistresses.

I burn the paper in the fire, not wanting to risk being wholly discovered. I have to remember not to structure my texts in the future.

In the end, I found out the Duke’s reaction, so my plan is now reduced to a single set of actions.

I reapply make-up and walk out of the room with a neutral expression. I glance at the maids that run towards me, and I dismiss all of them. Except for Patricia, but she won’t leave me alone out of the room.

It’s already evening, so I cover my shoulders with a mantle before walking out. I choose a path in the garden that is far from the high lanterns so that the shadow can hide my emotions.

A group of women are sitting on a bench and talking with each other.

«Have you seen lady Bertha strolling with the Duke, yesterday evening?» one of them asks.

I sigh, annoyed. I didn’t think my husband was so infidel. Can’t he be more discreet? And choose a single mistress instead of playing around?

«They talked for a while, in the imperial gardens. It looks like the Duke didn’t want his new wife to notice,» another girl replies.

I slow down, trying to follow their conversation without getting closer.

«I don’t think he cares. Today, the Duchess had a tea party, and lady Elisabeth was among the attendees. Do you think the Duke ordered her to be polite to his ex-fiancée?»

«They weren’t engaged!» one of them reminds, and I nod, approving.

«However, if lady Elisabeth attended, then she must have had a reason, right? She probably was just curious about her rival…»

Wait, I’m not the rival here.

«The poor Duchess probably doesn’t have a clue.»

«Or most probably, she doesn’t have the guts to complain…»

I walk away, followed by the giggles of those girls and Patricia’s gaze with ill-hidden contempt. I really can’t wait to leave for the north, I can’t stand this maid anymore.

When I come back to the room, I find out the reason why my mood has been so difficult these last few days: monthlies.

I haven’t bled for almost two months. It was probably because of the war and the changes that happened to me and my city. It isn’t the first time that my period comes late, so I wasn’t worried about it. Still, this is the worst time it could happen.

The Duke was supposed to come tomorrow. Shall I ask him to postpone for a few days? I haven’t seen him at all during this week, so I’m not really assured that I will see him again before tomorrow night.

I sigh and send Patricia to look for herbal teas. I send her personally, letting her believe that it is a special mission only she can fulfil. In truth, I just don’t want to have her around.

My stomach starts cramping, and a headache explodes all of a sudden. The next few days will be difficult.

I’m already feeling my feet growing cold, and the thought that my body stood in the way of my ambitions makes me even angrier.

In the end, I won’t be able to convince the Duke to fall in love with me. He will find other women and forget about me.

Another tear wets my cheek, maybe because of the anger.

With some luck, I’ll get back my rationality after this period passes.

«I want to eat something,» I say to the maids. The cake from before isn’t enough. «And bring some wine. The best you can find.»

The maid by my side nods and disappears. When Patricia comes with the tea, I tilt my head, trying to find out something to make her do.

«Patricia, you can go rest now.»

«I can’t leave you alone, your grace,» she reminds me.

«We’ll see about that,» I spit out. «If you don’t leave now, I’ll make sure to find another maid for my daily needs.»

«His grace, the Duke, ordered me not to leave your grace alone.»

«You’re so attentive, Patricia. Do you always take orders literally?»

«With due respect, your grace, the Duke is the resident of this wing of the palace. We all owe him obedience, as per his majesty’s wish.»

«But the Duke told you to obey me. Why doesn’t that work?»

«It does, but his orders have priority.»

«I understand,» I nod. «I’ll ask the Duke to revoke his orders personally.»

She winces, surprised, but I don’t pay any attention to her reaction.

«You can throw the tea, I’m not in the mood for hot drinks,» I continue, rather sadly. «And I’ll go to sleep immediately after supper.»

After all, sleep is the only time I’m allowed to stay alone.