How do you feel when you wish to take away someone’s pain who is the most beloved person to you only to realize that you are the reason for all their sufferings?

Utterly Helpless.

This was what Xi Ying was feeling right now. Sitting on the edge of the bed, watching Li Rui’s pale-white face as she laid unconscious on the bed with her eyes closed, he felt that everything he has gained till today was for nothing. He could not see through his shadow guard’s lies, his servants’ pretense, and many other schemes that created a wedge between him and Li Rui. Supposedly the wedge was created by him.

Four years ago, when he took her without her permission, he had made hundreds and thousands of promises in his heart.

He will make her the happiest woman in this world.

The tiniest part of his heart was guilty and afraid. Guilty for taking her when she had refused him. Guilty for taking her innocence when she was unconscious. Afraid that she will not forgive him for this forever. Afraid to see hatred in those clean-black and bright eyes.

But he covered it all. He covered all his guilt and fear with those promises.

He took everything for granted.

When he came to know that the girl he wanted to make his wangfei was the daughter of General Li, he was angry. He was angry for feeling guilty for such a woman who could not bear his rejection and was shameless enough to plan something like that.

He felt he had betrayed his father.

Now he regretted it.

Why didn’t he tried to believe otherwise at that time?

Why didn’t he believed the innocence of those clear eyes?

He disliked General Li. But Rui was innocent. She was his wangfei. Yet, she was the one who suffered the most.

“Miss Li is fatigued and needs a lot of rest. My lord doesn’t need to worry. Miss Li will wake up by night.”

The physician’s words fell in Xi Ying’s ears but his gaze didn’t move away from his face even for a second.

“Does Miss has her meals at the time?”

The physician asked.

Li Hua who standing bowing her head replied.

“Miss could not finish her breakfast in the morning.”

Her eyes were red and swollen. Her voice was very hoarse perhaps from crying.

“Then Let Miss have something first when she wakes up.”

“Send him back.”

Without turning around, Xi Ying already knew who said these words. It was Yi Junjie and his shadow guards who took Li Rui and Li Mei out of the forests.

Xi Ying was livid and panicked when a man suddenly lifted Li Rui but he soon found out that he meant no harm to Li Rui. When Yi Junjie had looked at Li Rui after lifting her in his arms, he felt the same discomfort and anger from four years ago when he had come to know that Yi Junjie wanted to marry Li Rui. Those eyes held the same emotion when a man looked at the woman he loves.

Yi Junjie had not moved from there since he had entered the room and laid Li Rui on the bed. He ordered his shadow guards and handled everything but didn’t move from there.

He asked his shadow guard to bring the physician. Fortunately, there was no shadow guard who cared about the plum courtyard and its people or they would have to call the physician who was kept in Xi Manor for Xi Ling.

Only Xi Ying knew how much he disliked him being near Li Rui. At the same time, he was grateful. He was grateful to Li Mei who saved Rui. He was grateful to Yi Junjie who took her out of the forests as the third shadow guard sent by Princess Wenling was still wandering there.

He didn’t even want to think about the consequences if Yi Junjie had not been there.

His red eyes flashed with coldness and ruthlessness remembering Rui’s condition just before she collapsed.

He will never forget those who did all this to Rui. He will make them regret their existence.

_______________

In her dreams, a little girl was running happily as the maids chased her. Her laugh rang through the whole courtyard. Then suddenly, she was caught by someone and placed somewhere. It was a very huge hall. The words on it were.

“Those who commit crime will be and should be punished.”

She felt something wet under her shoes. Red blood soaked her dress that touched the ground. The embroidery on her shoes got its color. Raising her head, she saw a familiar face. Then screams echoed in her ears. It was her screams. She wanted to move toward the figure but before that, she was dragged away.

______________

“Miss”

“Rui”

Voices fell in her ears and Rui finally opened her eyes. She saw Li Hua on her left side looking at herself with red swollen eyes filled with worry. On her right side, her elder brother Yi Junjie was standing. Even though he tried to hide, she could see that he was also worried about her.

Rui tried to smile softly to assure them. But the remembrance of that dream didn’t let her.

How many years have passed since she last had this dream?

As if realizing something, she suddenly sat up on the bed. Li Hua who was by her side tried to hold her and asked her to lie down again. But her mind was filled with only one thing.

She voiced out.

“Where is Li Mei?”

“Is she fine now?”

No one answered her question. She looked towards Li Hua with eyes full of questions.

Li Hua glanced away from her mistress but her tears betrayed her.

“Li Hua, why are you crying?”

Li Hua fixed the pillow for her while saying.

“Miss.. you should rest for some time.”

“I am asking you something.”

This time Li Rui’s voice held the authority of a mistress and Li Hua could not hide anymore.

“Miss…. Li Mei ….she is no more in this world with us.”

Rui could hear nothing but Li Hua sobs after she finished her words. Her body went still like a statue.

This time she didn’t stop Li Hua when she held her and laid her down on the bed. She covered her with a blanket.

“Miss, please don’t blame yourself.”

Li Hua words fell in her ears.

But Rui knew that she would never be able to forgive herself in this life.