42: Strong Mind

(I’m still a noble?)

I asked myself, but the answer never came.

(Haven’t I already stopped being a noble?)

I thought I had removed myself from the noble registry. But, I was just a 「temporary commoner」because I haven’t been registered in the commoner’s registry.

(I thought I’d finally found where I belong. Do I still have to live while worrying about things around me?)

I felt depressed.

I was too naïve. Yup. Nothing comes easy in the world. There’s no way I’d find a place where I belong that easily.

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I laughed at myself.

“Fu, Fufufu…… Hah.”

I breathed heavily.

“Whoa, hey. You alright?”

Dick-san shook my shoulders that were dropped.

The pupils of his deep wine-coloured eyes were shaking and my appearance was reflected in them. The one who was shaking was me.

Oh, there’s still someone here who’s worried about me. It’s only been a few hours since we’ve meet. It’s like he’s a scary person because he has sharp eyes.

… But, I don’t know how people in the organisation get their power.

I couldn’t stay by Dick-san’s side when I had such thoughts in mind.

I removed the hand from my shoulder, stood up and staggered out of the room.

I had a feeling that I was being called. Well, it’s fine. I don’t want to think about complicated things.

◊♦◊♦◊♦◊

When I came back to my senses, I was cleaning a large amount of vegetables while smiling in the kitchen.

The water and mud felt rough on my skin.

(How am I a noble with hands like this?)

I mocked myself.

It wasn’t like I was complaining about not being a noble.

After I finished washing the vegetables, I carried them to the kitchen informing Bobles-san, who was sharpening the knife that I’d finished and looked for something to do

I rested my hands and Bobles-san stared at my face.

“Are you alright? Good. You seem to have returned to your senses.”

“Yes. I’m sorry. I returned to my senses while washing the vegetables earlier. I’m sorry for bothering you with many things. Um, and also I’m sorry for being selfish, but I would like to take a break from work because I have to go to the Royal Capital for some business… Please let me work at the dining hall until tomorrow morning. I will definitely return, so please let me work here again.”

“Ah, alright. Vice-captain Dick-san briefly told me what happened at the drawing room. You’re saying the same things you said when you weren’t acting like yourself. Just help with what you can. I don’t have any intentions of changing how I act towards you. So…… When you feel like talking, do so.”

Did he also hear that I was a former, no, still a noble?

Nope, doesn’t seem like he did.

I was glad that Bobles-san’s attitude towards me wouldn’t change. In short, he still saw me as a person.

“I have something I want to consult Emery-san with. So please lend me Emery-san.”

I honestly didn’t think that I would just disappear.

I was able to grow into the person I am today no matter what my family and the servants said about me.

I thought that Ayesha-marie was a strong girl.

I’m beaten.

Becoming a commoner had made me this dim.

Then, like usual, I washed the dishes, lined them up and carried the things I was told to. I might have been working harder than I usually did.

At dinner time, I dished up the plates of the guards who came to the dining hall. People called out to me in cheerful voices and I had silly conversations.

I smiled and joked, “I had such a tough time today.”

I tried to act as the dining hall’s poster girl Ayesha.

But my face stiffened when I saw Dick-san and I became aware of it again.

Even though Dick-san had never done anything bad towards me.

He looked calm every time I looked at him with self-awareness.

“Hey, come here for a bit.” I was wiping the tables when there was almost no one left in the dining hall and a voice called out to me.

“Sorry. Let me borrow Ayesha for a bit.”

Dick-san was standing in front of me when I looked up and he yelled. He grabbed my wrist while I was troubled and took me outside the dining hall.

My feet became tangled and I couldn’t resist him. He pulled me as I tottered and we stopped under a big tree.

It was bright under the moonlight and I could read his facial expressions.

… Ah, it’s a full moon today. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen the night sky. The garden under moonlight is also pretty.

“What a look you have. You hide your emotions too much. You’ll break if you keep overdoing it. I’ve seen a lot of people on the battlefield who have the balance between reason and emotion break like you. Hey, spit it out. I’ll lend you an ear. Go on, cry.”

We were standing in the shade of the tree as not to be visible to others and Dick-san hugged me softly after wrapping me in a dark green cloak.

… I don’t wanna.

“Let me go.”

I pushed Dick-san with both my hands.

“I’ll cry alone. I always overcome things after I cry alone. And I have permission to consult with Emery-san today. So I don’t need to talk to you.”

“Ok.”

I slipped out of the cloak while Dick-san had his eyes widened in surprise.

Ah, that surprised me.

I’m really useless to have Dick-san do something like this. Get it together, me.

“I’m sorry for worrying you. Goodnight.”

I looked up at the night sky. The stars were shining. Yes, I can still see the beauty in the glistening stars.

I curtsied like a noble and ran back to tidy the dining hall.

Dick-san, who was left there, grinded his teeth and stood idly.

“She’s so strong, despite being a noble daughter. I give up. I didn’t need to interfere.”

He suddenly smiled wickedly and returned to his own room.

Our relationship might have changed if I’d used that chance to cry. However, I didn’t. Therefore, our relationship stayed as two people working in the same place.

But, Dick-san might see me as a 「girl he was curious about」. I don’t know.