Translator: Hua Editor: Bamboozled?

Chapter 79: Shen Yijin’s Past

He didn’t know when the rain stopped.

By the time Jing Xun looked out again, the whole sky had already cleared up.

A brightly colored rainbow hung in front of the baptized azure blue sky. The sun pierced through the clouds, hitting the floor and the woolen carpet through the window. The indoor temperature rose and began to warm up again.

Jing Xun was lying on top of Shen Yijin, unable to move at all.

A small part of the reason was due to Sir being tired of biting.

Most of the reason was because…they did a lot of strange things later…

For example, this and that, cha, cha, cha, cha.

He went through this and that last night. In the past, it was Sir who exerted more effort.

This time, it was changed to Jing Xun… just…

“I can’t move Sir.” Lying on the bed, Jing Xun’s voice was hoarse: “I want to take a bath, and I’m thirsty.”

“Ok.”

Shen Yijin’s movements were much crisper and neater than before. He first put on a pair of trousers, then went to pick up a glass of water for Jing Xun and fed it to him.

Finally, the young man wrapped in the quilt was picked up and taken to the bathroom.

In the shower room, the two simply took a bath together.

The hot water sprayed down, filling the room with dense steam. Jing Xun wrapped around Shen Yijin’s neck as if he had no bones, his legs were still shaking, he couldn’t stand still at all.

However, Sir’s condition seemed to have improved a lot.

If Sir was ok, then Jing Xun was relieved.

He grabbed Shen Yijin’s neck and let the other party clean him up.

During the process, Shen Yijin suddenly kissed the corner of his lips and said, “Thank you, Xiao Xun.”

“…Don’t thank me.” Jing Xun said uncomfortably.

Sir had always treated him wholeheartedly as a lover, so he should also treat the other party wholeheartedly as well.

After expressing his thoughts a little, he heard Shen Yijin say again, “Did I scare you just now?”

“No.” Jing Xun shook his head decisively.

He did not discriminate against patients.

And even less likely to avoid his own partner.

In the moist and mild water vapor, the young man’s delicate and jade-like cheeks were smoked with a peach red color, his eyebrows and eyes were slightly raised with a warm smile, and the teary mole at the corner of his eye showed a little bit of resolution.

Looking at each other at close range, Jing Xun said very seriously, “Sir is just sick, it will get better.”

“En.”

Shen Yijin, who was watching this scene carefully, responded. His hands moved faster. He quickly washed Jing Xun, dressed him, and quickly cleaned himself. Finally, the two stood in front of the mirror and dried their hair together.

The moment the hair dryer was turned off, Shen Yijin suddenly said, “The reason why the previous house was demolished and rebuilt was because of me.”

“Sir……”

Jing Xun opened his eyes slightly, he looked at Shen Yijin beside him through the mirror. Shen Yijin was also looking at the mirror, but did not look at him, he was just facing the mirror, as if he was looking at himself inside, or something deeper.

There was no expression on Shen Yijin’s face.

The freshly dried hair was scattered and draped over his brows, which made him look more youthful.

But his expression was dark and obscure, his eyes were deep like a pitch black bottomless pool with endless hesitation and storm surging. It had absolutely nothing to do with youthfulness.

And this Shen Yijin, calm on one side and struggling on the other, was recounting some of the events from that year to him.

Those were the things that even the follow-up psychiatrists didn’t know about…

Shen Yijin chose a very straightforward narrative method.

“Actually, it’s not complicated, it’s just that one day, my mother committed suicide by jumping off the building.” he said.

“……”

“In front of me.”

………

This was the nightmare that had been haunting Shen Yijin for twenty years.

He added some details, but what he said was really simple, and his tone was flat.

So much so that by the time he finished recounting this, Sir had already returned to his usual appearance.

Jing Xun saw the light in his eyes when he was facing him, and listened to him explain: “It’s not that I can’t mention it, it’s just that I don’t want to mention it.”

After a lengthy period of ineffective psychotherapy, he no longer wanted to mention it.

Shen Yijin said, “But I think I should tell you this myself. There are no secrets between us. Is that right, Xiao Xun?”

“……En.”

Jing Xun, who quickly returned to his senses, rushed up and hugged Shen Yijin.

He didn’t know how to comfort him. In fact, this kind of thing couldn’t be comforted by just a few words.

Just listening to Shen Yijin’s brief description of those events in the past, he knew that no matter who it happened to, it would be difficult to adjust.

Fortunately, recalling what happened back then was really not a hurdle for Shen Yijin.

Everything was calm, and they hugged quietly for a while before being called downstairs to have breakfast with Grandpa Shen.

——The rain was over, the sky was sunny, and a new day began.

The breakfast was served outdoors. After having a super stylish breakfast by the green grass and musical fountain, Shen Yijin and Jing Xun were both called to Grandpa Shen’s study. Shen Yijin had to hold a video conference after reporting the work to his grandfather, while Jing Xun was kept by Grandpa Shen to play chess together.

“Then go to work first, I’ll go back later.” Jing Xun said to Shen Yijin with a smile.

“Okay.” Shen Yijin had no objection, instead grandpa Shen smiled and said, “Xiao Xun is so reluctant to part with Ah Jin, Grandpa is too embarrassed to keep you for chess.”

“Grandpa, how can you say that!” Jing Xun said confidently: “I’m not reluctant to part. Sir is so boring when he’s working, so it’s more fun to play chess with grandpa.”

Grandpa Shen laughed together with Shen Yijin, who was said to be super boring. Jing Xun set up the chessboard with a smile, and then sent Shen Yijin to the door, telling him to get to work quickly.

But almost at the moment when the door was closed and Shen Yijin’s face disappeared in front of him, Jing Xun’s eyes suddenly turned red.

In the next second, tears uncontrollably welled up in his eyes.

Even if Sir described his past quite succinctly and was particularly light-hearted about it, after a long time, Jing Xun’s mind was still thinking about the rainy night briefly described by him——

It was raining, and the little Shen Yijin, who was only five years old, was lying in front of the window watching the rain.

Like all children who were curious about everything, he simply stared out at the wet and humid world outside, ignorant of what would happen next.

Until a flash of lightning sweeped by.

Through the window, he saw his mother…

In the glaring light, he saw her extremely distorted face.

He also saw her body, passing before his eyes for an instant.

The lightning was followed by the thunder.

The rumbling thunder couldn’t drown out the loud ‘bang’ that came from downstairs.

…

Jing Xun’s mind was filled with Sir standing on the second floor, and the exploding mist of blood that he saw when he desperately tried to look down through the closed window.

…………

“Xiao Xun? What’s wrong?”

Jing Xun’s shoulders suddenly trembled so badly that he could hardly stand up, which frightened Grandpa Shen who found the abnormality.

He hurriedly came out from behind the table and came to check the young man’s condition. He saw that Jing Xun was covering his mouth tightly, tears falling down without stopping and clattering on the ground.

“…What’s the matter? Is it Ah Jin who bullied you?!”

Jing Xun shook his head desperately.

The overwhelming emotions made it very difficult for him to speak. He was afraid of disturbing Sir who hadn’t yet gone far, so Jing Xun could only barely make a sound: “No, no, it’s not that Sir is bullying me.”

Crying until he was almost out of breath, he could only lean against the door panel and grab Grandpa Shen’s sleeve. Jing Xun was panting: “Grandpa, I… I feel sorry for Sir. I… I feel distressed for him.”

“…..”

After a long time, Jing Xun’s tears finally stopped.

He sat in front of the chessboard face to face with Grandpa Shen, but they didn’t play chess. Jing Xun apologized embarrassedly: “I’m sorry grandpa, I made you worry… I’m really sorry.”

He didn’t dare to cry in front of Shen Yijin.

Sir behaved very plainly, so Jing Xun felt that he should not be too emotional, or else Shen Yijin would have to comfort him instead.

He also wanted to be his support.

But he just couldn’t hold back.

——As long as he thought about the hardships Sir had suffered over the years, he couldn’t help it.

So he could only cry in front of Grandpa Shen… After all, Grandpa Shen would understand him, and the only time he could separate from Shen Yijin was this moment.

“Alas, you are a good boy, how could Grandpa blame you?” Grandpa Shen sighed when he mentioned this.

He was indeed startled by Jing Xun who burst into tears just now, thinking that he was bullied.

He never thought that Jing Xun crying so sadly was out of distress for Ah Jin…

“There’s someone to cherish Ah Jin and feel distressed for him, then grandpa is more than happy. Grandpa is old, and the one who worries me the most is Ah Jin. I’m not worried about anything else, I’m just afraid that he will always be alone. Ah Jin, this child, has a hard life…”

When Grandpa Shen was talking, his voice was the same as usual, but there were a little more fluctuations in his eyes.

Of course, Jing Xun didn’t want Grandpa Shen to be sad or worried, so he immediately wiped his face and cheered up: “Grandpa, don’t worry, I will always be with him, and he and I will always be with you. ”

In Shen Yijin’s brief description before, he focused on the demolition and construction of the main house.

The reason why the old building was demolished and rebuilt was because his grandfather saw that he had been in a bad state all the time, and he was afraid that the memory would mess up his emotions, so he found someone to demolish the old house immediately.

This matter had always remained in Shin Yijin’s mind.

He also remembered the care and protection that Grandpa Shen had given him in those years.

Although he was not good at expressing himself, he had always known about Grandpa Shen’s parental affection and concern.

This was also the reason why two years ago Shen Yijin chose to return home to take over and take care of the Shen family’s affair on his behalf.

Because it was his grandfather’s whole life of hard work.

Following Shen Yijin’s narration, Jing Xun also felt thankful toward Grandpa Shen. Originally, he only regarded Grandpa Shen as an elder and a very important person to Shen Yijin.

But at this time, he sincerely felt grateful toward grandpa for not giving up on Shen Yijin.

“Ah Jin is a good boy, Grandpa has always known it.” Grandpa Shen whispered in a low voice.

He seemed to have finally found someone to talk to, and without waiting for Jing Xun to ask, he directly recounted the events of that year in much more detail than Shen Yijin.

The focus was on Shen Yijin’s condition after the death of his mother.

“People who jumped down from the high place, out of that instant fear of death, their expression will become very distorted… it’s already difficult to imagine such a scene, not to mention that it was Ah Jin’s biological mother…!”

“Ah Jin had a fever for a full month at that time. He was only five years old that year! Originally a five year old child is still at the age where they can’t fully remember things, but Ah Jin has been smart since he was a child. He was a prodigy with good memory, fast response, and much better understanding than other children of the same age. Other children may not know what happened, but Ah Jin understands everything… He understands everything! People said that those who are too smart often die prematurely, but grandpa didn’t believe that before. With what happened to Ah Jin, I have to believe it even if I don’t want to.”

Listening to Grandpa Shen’s lament, Jing Xun wanted to go back to that time, and hugged Sir tightly to comfort him.

But he couldn’t go back to Shen Yijin’s past.

He could only live well with him at present.

However, Jing Xun still had some doubts about the situation at that time.

“But why did his mother jump off the building?”

“No one knows about this… Maybe she was upset by Ah Jin’s dishonest father!”

Speaking of this, Grandpa Shen was also very annoyed.

How could a family that used to be good suddenly fall apart?

The most annoying thing was that his eldest son, Ah Jin’s father, brought back a woman a few months after that and said he wanted to marry her, completely disregarding Ah Jin’s life and death…

“Back then, that bastard told me he found a stepmother for Ah Jin who could take care of him. I thought it made sense, so I agreed. I didn’t expect that woman and his indecent father are all not good!”

The woman in Grandpa Shen’s mouth should be his stepmother, Mrs. Yang.

Although it was a second marriage after the death of the first wife, she married into the Shen family in an open and rightful manner. The scum gong was conceived later. Therefore, he was born into a good family background and a legitimate third generation of the Shen family.

Jing Xun knew of this setting from the beginning.

Now it seemed that after the birth of Er Shao, Mrs. Yang put all her energy on her own son. Because the second generation of the Shen family were all indulging in a life of pleasure and comfort and became useless, before the two children had completely grown up, she began planning how to attack Shen Yijin and seize the future property of the Shen family.

Since she didn’t fulfill her promise to treat Shen Yijin kindly when she entered the door, Grandpa Shen had always disliked her for so many years.

But she was still Shen Bohan’s mother after all, and she had been in the Shen family for so many years, so the old man would not drive her out even if he disliked her.

Not wanting to point out these things, Jing Xun inquired again, “Then did his situation start out like this at the beginning?”

“It’s different. At first, Ah Jin didn’t know how to control his emotions. Every cloudy and rainy day, he made a lot of noise. There were times when I had to send him directly to the hospital, and a few times I had to tie him up…”

Grandpa Shen faintly recalled. At first he sighed, but then he became angry: “During that time, there were still people saying slanderous words. They asked me to send Ah Jin to a mental hospital! You tell me, are these words humans would say!”

“Grandpa, don’t be angry, it’s all in the past.” Jing Xun was afraid that the old man would be angry, so he quickly comforted him with a few words, and changed the subject: “What did those doctors say about Sir?”

“Some thought that Ah Jin was frightened, and some thought he was sad because of the death of his mother… Alas, knowing the reason is one thing, and being able to come out of it is another.”

Grandpa Shen said: “At that time I thought Ah Jin was making a fuss because he felt uncomfortable when he saw the house, so I demolished the house and rebuilt the garden, but it was useless. After that, I insisted on treatment, but it didn’t work. Then one day, Ah Jin suddenly became quiet. He didn’t cry or make trouble on rainy days. He didn’t cry, didn’t make trouble, and didn’t talk. Everyone was afraid of him… That’s what he looks like now. ”

Jing Xun: “……”

“But apart from this, Ah Jin seemed to be a normal person again… He’s more normal than normal people. He read better than before, and was never emotional. I know this was obviously an abnormal performance, but no one could cure it, so it could only be continued like this. After a long time, I also figured it out, as long as Ah Jin could feel better, Grandpa wouldn’t ask him for anything.”

“When he was just a little bit older, Ah Jin suddenly came to talk to me. He said that he wanted to leave here and study abroad. Although I was reluctant, I couldn’t dissuade him. At that time, Ah Jin’s father hadn’t had an accident, and the family of three was happy all day long. Grandpa was also afraid that Ah Jin would feel uncomfortable staying here, so I agreed. ”

Jing Xun: “Mmmm.”

Grandpa Shen didn’t speak according to the standard time and logic, it was completely like the chatter of an old man when he recalled the past, but Jing Xun still listened very seriously and occasionally chimed in.

Grandpa Shen should have seldom mentioned these past events to outsiders. In the past, he told Grandpa about Sir’s recent affairs. But now it was Grandpa Shen’s turn to tell him(about SYJ’s past), so he wanted and was willing to listen carefully.

Grandpa Shen added: “Later I also started to wonder if this is Ah Jin’s fate. Back then, it was too coincidental, if Ah Jin hadn’t seen the tragic state of his mother’s death, even if it was only a second away… Maybe Ah Jin wouldn’t become like this…”

Jing Xun: “Grandpa said that Sir happened to see his mother… Thinking of this, it does go against the principles of physics…”

Grandpa Shen sighed: “Sigh, the lights in the house were on at that time, and according to reason, people indoors wouldn’t be able to see the outside very clearly. But at that time there was a flash of lightning…”

Jing Xun: “……”

The lightning illuminated everything outside, and it also illuminated his falling mother, so he could see it more clearly…

Jing Xun suddenly remembered the time when he first saw him, and when he had his second attack… The lights were turned off in the room.

Not only must the thick curtains be drawn, but the light inside must also be off.

…

He felt strange at the time, why he was sitting alone in the dark when he was in a bad mood… Wouldn’t that be more depressing?

Come to think of it now…

Perhaps the thing that Sir was more afraid of than the pitch darkness was actually turning on the lights.

Subconscious fear of bright indoors lights when it rains, fear of thunder, and fear of looking out the window.

Because when the three were combined, it was the beginning of his nightmare…

Jing Xun, who was sitting there, was stiff, and remembered that there was actually a fourth element.

Previously, he remembered Shen Yijin mentioning that the reason why he stayed in the nightclub was because he didn’t like living at home.

So what was it that he didn’t like?

…It was the reflection on the window at that moment, all kinds of furnishings that could only be found in a warm and sweet home.

In Shen Yijin’s residence, there were a lot of books in the study, but there were almost no other personal belongings, it was cleaner than the model room…

This actually all boiled down to the fact that he didn’t like the similar feeling of home reflected on the glass.

…..

Jing Xun suddenly felt pain in his heart, a real colic pain, a feeling he was no stranger to before.

Only this time it wasn’t because of a bad heart.

It wasn’t inherent. It was difficult to suppress the pain due to the thought of Shen Yijin.

“Actually, Ah Jin has gotten much better.” This time, it was Grandpa Shen’s turn to comfort Jing Xun: “I heard from Xiao Tang that there are a lot more things in your house.”

“…I don’t know.” Jing Xun stared blankly, lost in thought, and said, “Grandpa, I don’t know…”

He would casually leave the unfinished books in the bedroom. Fearing that he would be thirsty in bed, he would put a glass of water by the bedside every night.

In addition, he usually bought small objects he liked and put them in the room. The unfinished work materials would be casually spread on the coffee table or the small counter. Sometimes when he was very tired, he was too lazy to gather the clothes and just throw them around…

He thought this was adding some life to the family.

But it never occurred to him that these things might make Shen Yijin…

“But Ah Jin didn’t say anything, did he?” Grandpa Shen put on a smile again, and his appearance became quite serene, “He doesn’t feel uncomfortable. I see that Ah Jin’s spirit is getting better and better lately thanks to Xiao Xun.”

“…..”

Grandpa Shen mysteriously said again: “There was thunder and rain this morning. Ah Jin, he…”

Jing Xun: “……”

Thinking of what he did to Sir this morning, and the bright marks on his neck… Jing Xun wanted to burrow into the ground.

Fortunately, what Grandpa Shen asked was: “Did Ah Jin draw the curtains this morning?”

“Eh.” Jing Xun was stunned.

He hadn’t thought about that.

Because Sir had gotten better during this time, and he didn’t often cover the curtain tightly, Jing Xun didn’t realize the abnormality before.

But after being reminded by Grandpa Shen, he suddenly remembered–Sir obviously felt uncomfortable, but he didn’t close the curtains.

Was it because it was already dawn?

Or for some other reason…?

As a result, Grandpa Shen said with a smile: “Although he doesn’t rely on medical treatment in the later stage, Ah Jin is a child who will not admit defeat in his bones.”

“?”

There was nothing wrong with what Grandpa said.

But what did this have to do with not admitting defeat… Jing Xun didn’t understand for a while.

Grandpa Shen said, “Grandpa guesses that he is forcing himself to look out the window.”

Jing Xun: !

This time he understood.

“…Sir is trying to fight poison with poison?”

Because he had returned home, it was easy to think of the past, and it was easy to get sick.

So he forced himself to overcome his inner demons during his episode….

“En, he has done this before, although he has not been successful.” Grandpa Shen has already picked up a chess piece and intended to return to the matter of playing chess.

As he said that, he raised his eyelids again, “He couldn’t hold on for half a minute before. How long did he hold on this time?”

Jing Xun: “…!!”

It took at least two minutes from when he woke up to when he walked in front of Shen Yijin.

Not to mention that he had no idea how long Shen Yijin had been standing in front of the window before that.

And also… until the end, the curtains on that window were not drawn…

Although the bed was far away from that window, it still broke Sir’s previous record!

Jing Xun was also shocked.

“Haha.” Hearing that Shen Yijin broke the record, Grandpa Shen laughed even louder.

He was a character who had seen all kinds of storms and waves, and no matter how distressed he felt for his grandson, he could still be calm about it.

“I watched Ah Jin grow up. I know his thoughts. He wants to get better soon and to become a normal person.”

Grandpa Shen said that and dropped a piece.

“He must have felt that this is the only way to match with Xiao Xun.”