Chapter 49: The Weather is Dry and Things are Flammable, Watch Out For the Candles!

Translator: Exodus Tales  Editor: Exodus Tales

Translated by XephiZ

Edited by Aelryinth

{TL Note: In the past when people were still using candles, every town would have someone that brings a gong around and strikes it while chanting the expression above to remind the people to be careful with the candles when they go to sleep to prevent fires from occurring.}

“Ugh, did I guess it wrong?” The midget old man tilted his head sideways. “It seems like my skill has deteriorated again …” The midget old man sighed and quickly took out a cigarette and smoked it with a depressed face.

Zhou Ze calmed himself. There was no way he would tell the old man that what he said was also one of the problems he was having, right?

“Old man, I’m here to ask about the Envoys of Hell.”

“Envoys of Hell?” the midget old man frowned. “Say, why does a man like you want to ask about the Envoys of Hell? They aren’t the friendliest people to deal with, you should just avoid them. You should feel lucky that you have claimed someone’s flesh and come back to life. You should just appreciate it,” the old man said.

Zhou Ze frowned. Couldn’t the old man tell he was an Envoy?

He might be just a temporary Envoy, but judging from how the old man was able to deduce the problem he was facing, he could tell that the old man was clearly not an amateur. Why couldn’t the old man tell he was an Envoy?

Did that mean the little girl was only treating him as a temporary substitute, that there was something important she did not give him, apart from the ability to open up the ‘Gate of Hell’?

Xu Qinglang also mentioned how quickly the little girl had left. Perhaps she never had the intention to let him replace her? Perhaps she had only asked him to take over her job temporarily, since she was busy with something else?

As for the reason why she had chosen him to take over her job for the time being, didn’t she mention it was because he was sensible, meaning that he would stay out of trouble?

However, Zhou Ze believed he had to hold onto the role. His life was already ruined once, thus he must make sure he had control over his current life this time. Being an Envoy of Hell was the best protection he could hope for, so he would not need to worry about being an illegal immigrant.

Zhou Ze opened his hand and showed the symbol on his palm to the old man.

The old man’s eyes glittered, and he held his breath for a moment. He finally said, “I understand now. That little girl with a long tongue has asked you to take over her job.”

The midget old man placed his hands behind him and walked back and forth in circles as if he was thinking deeply. Zhou Ze stayed quiet. He did not want to disturb the old man.

The old man asked again, “Why are you asking me about the Envoys of Hell?”

“I would like to maintain peace in the living world and in Hell. I’m asking so I can be better at my job.”

“Oh,” the old man shook his head before nodding again, “Heh, I know what you’re up to. You’re trying to replace the little girl with a long tongue for good?”

Zhou Ze did not deny it, which meant that he had agreed tacitly.

“There’s indeed a way, and it’s very simple,” the old man said in a deep voice. “I can tell you since you’ve brought so many gifts for me tonight.”

“I’m all ears.”

“Deities live in this temple, and they can easily read the minds of humans in the living world and the ghosts in the afterworld with a glance. Do you know that?”

“Yes,” Zhou Ze nodded.

“Since the little girl with a long tongue has given you the key, she has basically granted you half the identity of an Envoy, but she can take it away anytime she wants,” the midget old man said. “However, we can go inside the temple and I’ll pray to the deities on your behalf. You just need to declare your intention and position in front of the deities by saying something better than what you just told me. If any of the deities nod, you will be able to hold onto your role. However, I should warn you about something. The deities know everything. If you happen to harbor evil thoughts or cross the line in the future, apart from being punished by the laws of Hell, you will suffer the wrath of the deities too!” the midget old man said sternly.

“That simple?” Zhou Ze asked.

“It’s trickier than it sounds.” The midget old man let out a sigh. “You will have to convince the deities that you are worthy of the role. It’s only a plausible way that you can try. There’s no guarantee that it will work.”

Zhou Ze nodded, “Let’s try it then.”

The midget old man went to the entrance of the temple and blew at it. Zhou Ze heard a thud behind the door. It sounded like the horizontal bar holding the door closed on the other side had fallen off.

“Just head inside and reveal your honest intentions in front of the statues. Leave the rest to me.”

Zhou Ze pushed the door open and glanced at the midget old man. He asked curiously when he saw the old man standing still, “Aren’t you going inside with me?”

“You’re kidding, I’m just a lackey to the deities. I wouldn’t dare to show up in front of them. You are half an Envoy of Hell, so you are allowed to enter.”

Zhou Ze hesitated for a moment before walking into the temple.

The old man placed his hands together. The wooden door closed.

“Remember to be honest with the deities!”

The old man placed another cigarette in his mouth. The cigarette lit up on its own without him doing anything.

After the old man was done smoking the cigarette, he laughed and struck the gong with a great force!

Dong!

Following the loud chime, the old man yelled at the top of his lungs, “The weather is dry and things are flammable, watch out for the candles!”

“The weather is dry and things are flammable, watch out for the candles!”

Dong!

Another chime was heard.

“The weather is dry and things are flammable, watch out for the candles!”

The old man struck the gong and danced around at the entrance of the temple. It looked as if he was performing Samdambi.

{TL Note: Samdambi is a ritual of Shamanism.} 

The old man was rather cute while he was doing the dance because of his dwarf-like appearance.

“Kid, just keep talking to the deities and reveal your intentions, I will relay your message to the Heavens!” the midget old man yelled facing the temple.

“Sure, thanks for the help, senior,” Zhou Ze said from behind the walls.

“Don’t worry about it, just remember to pay me a visit and bring along some cigarettes at times. I don’t have any descendants left, so I’m no longer getting offerings. I just want to smoke some cigarettes. There is lots of food in the temple, but I wouldn’t dare touch the offerings given to the deities!” The midget old man burst out laughing.

The old man continued to strike his gong happily.

“The weather is dry and things are flammable, watch out for the candles!”

Dong!

“The weather is dry and things are flammable, watch out for the candles!”

Dong!

Each chime sounded deeper and lower than the previous one.

Meanwhile, the wooden club covered in white cloth suddenly turned blood-red.

There were only some red dots on the white cloth, but it began to spread every time it was used to beat the gong.

The color darkened and gradually became unpleasant to the eyes.

Soon, every time the old man beat the gong, a huge amount of blood would pour out from it, dying his clothes red. His adorable appearance was replaced by a ghastly look!

“The weather is dry and things are flammable, watch out for the candles!”

BANG!

The final chime took place.

The midget old man tossed the gong covered in blood into the temple and yelled, “The deities are opening their eyes, judgment befalls the evil spirit!”

Following that, the old man’s outline suddenly turned blurry, as if he had just been struck by lightning. It looked like he was about to disappear.

However, he was still laughing hysterically as he yelled at the temple, “Did that feel good? Did you enjoy it?”

“Not at all,” Zhou Ze responded from behind the walls.

“That’s right! Young man, I shall teach you how unpredictable the world is, and how unfathomable people’s hearts are! There was no knowing what was in a man’s heart, even though it was only a layer of skin away, let alone a ghost’s! I’m willing to sacrifice the virtue I’ve saved up by serving here for sixty years to ask the deities to erase your existence!”

“Do you hold a grudge against me?” Zhou Ze asked in confusion on the other side of the walls.

“A grudge? Of course I do!” the old man shuddered. He continued to yell, “I chose not to be reincarnated and serve these deities here just because I wanted to accumulate some virtue for my descendants! My ancestors have done some evil deeds, so our family had trouble bearing kids. I had no choice but to stay behind and serve the deities here, to ensure the continuity of our family’s bloodline! However, a year ago, my last descendant, the last person alive of my family has died, meaning that all the virtue I’ve been collecting is in vain!” the old man cried.

“Do you think it’s fun to spend all my days with these statues that are made of mud? HAHAHA, luckily, Heaven isn’t blind! I didn’t realize who you were when the temple was opened the other day. I only took a quick glance at you and took away your cigarettes. But today, I have the chance to deduce your background. F**k the Six Flavor Rehmanni! I’ve learned that you are strongly related to the death of my last descendant! It’s time for you to reap what you’ve sowed! I’m sacrificing the virtue I’ve saved up over sixty years in exchange for your life. You should be honored!”

“Did your descendant die in a surgery?” Zhou Ze asked.

“No, not in a surgery, he died in a car crash,” the midget old man replied, wiped at his tears. His outline was getting blurrier, but his tears seemed to contain bloody dots too…

“I wasn’t a driver in my previous life.” Zhou Ze even had the urge to say that he had died in a car crash in his previous life too.

“That asshole that was drunk-driving, he was supposed to be dead. His time was up too, but you managed to save him in a surgery, and he ended up living for another half a month! He eventually died after crashing while he was drink-driving, but my adorable great-great grandson died in the crash too. Do you still think it’s not your fault!? Do you still think you’re not responsible for his death!? Do you still think you don’t owe me?”

“I’m seriously impressed by how you are able to arrive at that conclusion,” Zhou Ze exclaimed.

The midget old man who was slowly recovered from the excitement of getting his revenge suddenly realized something strange. He had sacrificed the virtue he had saved up for sixty years so a deity in the temple would open his eyes for a little while.

Normally, regardless of how indolent the deities were, they would eliminate any ghost they saw as soon as they opened their eyes, including a real Envoy of Hell, let alone Zhou Ze, who was just a temporary Envoy.

Shouldn’t Zhou Ze be suffering from a great pain while his soul was being split apart after the deity glanced at him?

Why was he still able to talk in a calm voice? Something did not feel right!

“How are you still fine? How are you still here!?” the old man yelled. He had sacrificed the virtue he had collected over sixty years for this!

Zhou Ze walked out from the corner of the walls and looked at the old man.

The temple was surrounded by walls like a rectangle. Zhou Ze had been standing at the corner all along, so when he was talking to the old man, it sounded like he was talking from inside the temple.

The old man was astounded. He looked at Zhou Ze standing there outside the temple in disbelief. “Why are you outside? How did you come out!?”

Zhou Ze tried his best to withhold the urge to laugh and said, “You’ve been here for so long. Didn’t you know there’s a back door?”