I awoke… gently, gracefully lifted from my deep peaceful slumber by the soft rays of early dawn’s light, feeling slight tingles in my skin kissed tenderly by the cold morning dew that hung damp in the breeze. The perfect way to start a day anew… or at least it would have been.

How it really realistically went down wasn’t exactly as princess-like as I would have liked.

Instead, I awoke, disoriented and confused… feeling bricks in my head, and a crinkling in my bleary eyes, wondering dazed where on earth that incessant ringing noise was coming from. 

Memories from last night began to fill back into my head, so, fortunately, I didn’t have to question long as to what happened to my bedroom roof or my bedroom bed, or my bedroom everything. 

Emotions, oh, emotions, were like raging rapids flooding and sweeping away everything all at once inside me. I could still recall every minute sensation, feel her every touch on my body setting my nerves ablaze, but for the time being, I kept them at bay.

I shifted left, and then right, realizing I was alone, noticing only a faint impression on one of the sleeping bags where Ash should have been. I also noticed that I was in my clothes again, and it was thanks to that observation I finally discovered where that ringing and buzzing was coming from. 

A faint white glimmer shining through the denim fabric of my pant pocket… seriously, who the hell calls at like… whatever the hell time it is now anyway? 

With a hoarse grunt that sounded more actual horse than human, I turned myself over, propped my chin against Ash’s side of the nylon bed, twisting and turning my phone out of my pocket with some unusual amount of difficulty, before with a yawn welling up tears, I squinted my eyes at the bright bold name of my mysterious recipient. 

“Hmm…” I murmured. It was a surprise type of murmur, the kind when you couldn’t muster up the energy to act surprised, nevertheless, surprised you definitely were. The real question was – is it the good type of surprise or the bad kind?

Well, seeing as Irene’s name continued to ring and chime, staring back at me, what’s more, it was also in the form of a video call, whereas before she would have been perfectly content with text messages and brief phone calls – so make of that what you will. 

Not to mention… after last night’s affair and stuff, I won’t lie, I was feeling a teensy bit of an awkward pressure hovering my thumb over the answer icon, but to hell with it. Pressure aside, I was kinda missing her too.

The moment I hit the big green button my screen quickly shifted to a scene of what I presumed to be a kitchen countertop, displayed in all its choppy, blurry, weak signal-ly glory. 

Her camera was partly obscured by a large white steaming mug to the side, while what little was left to be seen only contained a nearby fridge and some wooden cupboards, with Irene completely nowhere to be sighted. 

But she could be heard, however… above a running sink in the background, there was a faint humming in a nice soothing melody present, and there was no mistaking that dainty, silky voice even with that slight static of countryside data. 

“What song is that?” I muttered, a little sleepily and a little raspy. “Actually, what language is that? Doesn’t sound very earthy.” 

From a loud rushing stream to a faint quiet trickle, before the sound of the sink completely faded away from the ambiance, and sadly, that lovely tune went with it too. 

“Your realm isn’t the only with songs for your information, or lullabies,” spoke that same voice from somewhere nearby. “Don’t be so close-minded next time.” 

Then suddenly emerging from a corner of the screen, a slender figure walked on over to the front of the countertop, a blurry, pixelated mess at first, before the stream eventually caught up and enhanced that silhouetted mess into an actual person. 

“Hmm…” I murmured. “Hmm,” I murmured again. Take a guess what kind of murmur those ones were.

Irene on her own was already a sight soothing to the eyes. Her hair, tied in a bun, and in that light lovely hue of hazel brown and that stark, piercing blackness of her eyes… plus with that ethereal, demonic, slightly insidious beauty that she possesses… she could have been just a blocky outline in a jumble of pixels and I could still detect the aroma enticement permeating through the screen. But it wasn’t just Irene on her own. It was Irene with a little less. 

A lot less. 

Her hair in a disheveled loose mess, and wearing nothing but a wrinkled white uniform only partly buttoned in places – and that was all she wore, nothing else. Well, so long as you could also ignore that little lacy bit of string wrapped provocatively around her hips, that is. I know I couldn’t.

“Good morning,” I said, not knowing what else to say.

“Good morning to you too,” She replied, taking the white mug out of the frame and into her hands. “From the look in your eyes, I see that I’ve become your morning alarm for today.”

“Kinda,” I shrugged, trying my hardest not to stare at too much of her. “So, uh… why’d you call me for anyway?” 

“Because you didn’t,” She simply said, taking a sip of her drink. “I was expecting you to. Was waiting for it the whole day yesterday too.” 

“I just assumed you’d be busy with your things over, y’know, detective stuff and whatnot.”

“And you’d assume right,” She leaned up against the countertop, the slight disappointment on her narrowed lips front and center on the screen. “Still would have liked it anyway.” 

Well, she got me there. I got nothing at all to say in my defense. Thankfully, it seems she was playing for both sides here. 

“But I surmise you’ve just been really busy with things on your end too,” She said, leaning back up. “Second reason I’m calling.” 

“If it’s just about that, I could have just sent you a text. Didn’t take you for the type eager for a video call.” 

She scoffed at that, loudly, and furrowed her brows at me as if I just made a joke. 

“What? Am I not allowed to see the man I love? Especially after two full days of dead air? Is it a crime? I’m sorry, should I just end the call now?” 

“No, no,” I quickly said, seeing the minefield I nearly stumbled into. “Feel free, it’s a free country. It’s lovely to see you too.”

“Mmm-hmm,” Irene leaned back in again, eyeing me with a suspicious squinted gaze. “Or is it that, I’m just not allowed to see what the man I love is currently doing?” 

I gave her a long, blank look. “I don’t know why you’d even think that.” 

“Alright, so tell me then,” She tilted her head. “What are you doing right now?” 

“Talking to you,” I answered.

“Before that?”

“Waking up.”

“Alright, before that one.” 

I paused for a second. “Sleeping.” 

“Ugh, don’t play smart,” She said with a warning stare. “I can be a whole lot smarter.” 

“That so now?” 

Irene briefly took a moment to take another sip of her drink, the look in her eyes over the rims of her mug gradually turning wryly, and when she finally pulled her lips away, they were smiling at me.

“You don’t think I can’t tell when a female Elf is polluting the air with her pheromones?” She asked me, batting playful eyelids. “I think you forgot who exactly it is you’re speaking to.” 

Apparently, I did.

“Wait, so you knew this whole time?” I gaped at her. “That Ash was – that she’s…?”

“Of course I did,” She said matter-of-factly. “Lust, perverseness, carnal desires… you’re talking to a professional here.” 

“Yeah, a professional that didn’t bother to disclose this information to me when she had the chance…” I muttered. “I assume the professional has her professional reasons why?” 

“Why should I have told you?” She said sardonically, crossing her arms and leaning against her fridge. “Sooner or later, you’re bound to find out about it anyway… and sooner or later, she herself would have come up to you about it anyway, right?” 

“Mmm…”

“Tell me I’m right.”

“Fine,” I grumbled. “You’re right.” 

A satisfied expression formed on her face as she lifted her cup again for another well-deserved sip. 

Ten, fifteen paces ahead of me, this woman… by the time I was done forming a sentence, and she had already foreseen the entire conversation. No wonder, she’s got the badge.

“So tell me,” She said, her lips hiding behind the rims of her mug. “Is there a reason why you look like you’re sleeping outdoors… or is that something you always do for fun around there?” 

The jig was up, this woman was too sharp for me. But I wasn’t going down just yet… not without a fight at least.

“And if I tell you that it is indeed the case, what would you say?”

“That Elf-Knights are particularly fond of sleeping inside forests when away on missions,” She said. “And from what I smelled of her back then, that Elf of yours seems really dedicated to fulfilling hers… whatever that may be.” 

Yep, busted indeed.

“Mind telling me all about it, then?” spoke the overtly sweet smile on her face.. “You know… what you do for ‘fun’ around there.”