Chapter 953 Numbness

Aika stayed quiet and just enjoyed the wind blowing on her face.

However, Kisuke wouldn’t be Kisuke if he didn’t destroy this mood purely for amusement, “Of all the numbers, why the unlucky one?”

Aika’s calm demeanor instantly disappeared and she smacked Kisuke’s forehead, “Why are you concerned whether it’s unlucky or not!? And you think 4(shi) is unlucky when you represent death(shi) itself!?”

Kisuke snickered while rubbing his forehead, “That expression is much more suitable for you.”

Aika glared at him and asked, “You prefer my angry face more? Since when did you have that kind of preference, you pervert?!”

Kisuke cozied up to the ground and looked afar, “No. What I meant is that you don’t have to wear a somber expression.”

“Somber?” Aika tilted her head, “Did I look somber to you?”

But instead of answering, Kisuke directed the conversation elsewhere, “Four years… I don’t know how you did it, but the most you can do in that dream world of yours is move around while talking to your Zanpakuto.”

“It’s Akane and Kaguya.” Aika interrupted him.

“Hm?”

Aika hugged her nodachi, “Please call them Akane and Kaguya.”

Kisuke looked at the nodachi and smiled, “In that dream world of yours, the most you can do is to move around, talk to Akane-chan and Kaguya-chan, and mope around.”

“Well… That’s true…” Aika answered after a short pause, “But how did you know?”

Kisuke chuckled, “I’m not sure why you stayed in there for so long compared to the normal flow of time, but this is actually a common occurrence among the people like us since it’s a great way to communicate with our partners. And from how you’re talking about Akane and Kaguya, it looks like it was relatively peaceful.”

Aika thought that it was indeed peaceful. So peaceful in fact, that even playing with Akane and Kaguya became dull as time passed by. Soon, the only thing she could do was move her body around. And since she had a feeling that she couldn’t really do any physical training, she focused on her control and manipulation. However, Aika noticed that Kisuke’s phrase was a bit out of place, “Peaceful… Yes, it was… But it doesn’t sound like that’s always the case?”

Kisuke went silent for a moment before answering, “…Yoruichi’s Byakko ignores her most of the time while my Benihime would always try to cut and stitch me up into something else… Let’s just say that they each have their own ‘unique’ personalities.”

“…” Aika felt her throat dry up as she swallowed her saliva, “…That sounds… very harsh.”

Kisuke sat up, “My point is, it doesn’t matter how long you stayed in that dream world of yours. You probably contemplated a lot of things to find some resolutions or answers to your confusion and questions. However, you’re misunderstanding something. The nothingness you went through didn’t actually make you any more mature but you just became numb from all of it.”

Aika was about to say something but Kisuke didn’t let her, “Happy thoughts, sad thoughts, traumatic experiences, great memories, confusion, and resolution… All of them fade once you go through them again and again. Thus, the numbing feeling that you thought was a sign of calmness.

“To add to that, calmness in front of a situation and choosing the ‘right’ decision isn’t a sign of maturity, but thinking over things after calming down from the explosiveness of emotions.” Kisuke patted Aika’s head, “Remember, trying to act mature is a sign of immaturity. And now that you’re here, you also have to let go of your original concept of age, since we’re technically almost ageless. In other words, those four years, while worthwhile, are also effectively inconsequential.”

Kisuke stood up and stretched his arms out in the air, “And finally, you’re not a monk searching for enlightenment, but just a simple girl trying to make sense of the vague future.”

Aika looked down and hugged her knees while thinking over Kisuke’s words. As he’d pointed out, she might’ve just been really feeling numb after thinking back to all of what happened after she met Kisuke over and over again. She didn’t ‘accept’ the reality she’s in and calm down, but might have just forgotten how it felt to be in those situations. And that scared her, “…That numbing feeling… How do you fix… No… How do you rekindle them?”

“Even I don’t have a concrete answer for that.” At that moment, a hint of fear went through Kisuke’s eyes but Aika failed to catch any of that, “But I think stacking memories on top of your old ones may help. Simply put, just continue experiencing what the world has to offer and you’ll probably never forget those feelings.”

But even with that kind of answer, Kisuke couldn’t help but be a bit fearful. He’s sure that he wouldn’t forget a single thing and he’d even modify his own head to make sure that his memories stayed intact. However, even if he had his memories, he might just one day forget they existed in the first place. Small but precious memories might stay in his head forever, but there might be a day when he wouldn’t even remember what happened without external stimuli, ‘Well, that’s to consider if I’m really going to live that long… Though I do think that it’ll be a good idea to start writing a diary.’

“That isn’t helpful at all,” Aika replied with a pout.

“It might work for me but not for others so you’ll have to figure that out on your own.”

“Then I’ll just overthink things again.”

Kisuke just shrugged his shoulders, “That’s how life is. Contradictory.”

Aika sighed and stood up beside Kisuke, “…This just threw off my whole plan.”

Kisuke turned to her in wonderment and asked, “Plan? What plan?”

Aika snickered, “Well, I thought I matured even a little bit since I’m technically 22 years old after that time skip so I thought I should be able to advance our relationship~!” But she soon became deflated, “But it turns out that you’re still far away from me. Slow down a bit, will ya?”

Kisuke just grinned at her, “Me? Slow down? Are you sure you’re asking the right person? I’m not doing that.”

“Figures… No choice but to catch up, huh… But how in the world were you able to accept Sona and Kuroka?”

Kisuke immediately turned away from her before replying with a softer voice, “…It’s my immaturity at that time. It’s my first time being surrounded like that, you know? The horny me couldn’t stop it.”

It was rare to see Kisuke acting embarrassed, but that’s not what concerned Aika, “So the goal really went further ahead!?” While holding her head, she shouted to herself, “I should have made my move back then!!!”