Chapter 1 – Digital Clock

“I’m telling you that it wasn’t me. It’s up to you if you want to believe it or not.”

The man’s voice was low and husky and carried with it a strange feeling.

Bai Lang had always been unable to like it . But right now what made Bai Lang’s hands and feet feel even more cold, was the meaning behind the sound of those words.

“… if it’s not you, then who?” Bai Lang’s throat felt dry.

“You’re asking me?” Seeing Bai Lang’s tense appearance, the man’s voice carried laughter. “Shouldn’t you be asking yourself?”

Bai Lang felt as though he had been hit over the head. He took an involuntary step backwards.

The tall and imposing man in front of him bent his waist and picked up the remote control from the table.

[Pa!] There was a noise and a TV that took up almost half of the wall lit up.

Bai Lang’s thoughts were still sunken into a chaotic emotional state but the sound of the broadcast pierced his ears painfully.

“… In regards to Kang Jian’s earlier press conference, Asia International’s Chief Executive’s daughter, heiress Shen LingLing has also ten minutes ago updated her social media to publicly confirm the news of her engagement to Kang Jian….”

Bai Lang suddenly raised his head. He stared disbelievingly at the television screen.

The screen showed a press conference. The lights and cameras flashed constantly, showing Kang Jian’s unmistakably familiar face in high definition. There was a dazzling smile on that face.

“…. She is incredibly grateful for everyone’s well wishes and also hopes that everyone will continue to support Kang Jian. Kang Jian’s road to fame has not been easy and he has shown that he is an honest and sincere person who is also warm-hearted and gentle. As for those people who have spread heinous slanders about him and Bai Lang being gay in order to suppress Kang Jian, Shen LingLing expresses deep regret. After all she has been in a relationship with Kang Jiang for two years, it’s only that they didn’t publicise until now…”

After hearing this, Bai Lang’s entire person shook.

“…. Now that these two people had decided to come together to form a family and plan a future together, they hope that those slanders will settle down. As for the date of the wedding, taking into consideration that in the coming months Kang Jian will be filming Director Guo Shan’s latest masterpiece “Mountain Rain Will Come”, she plans to have a simple wedding with Kang Jian overseas. To have the support and well-wishes of their friends and family is their greatest desire. She once again wishes to thank everyone for their support….”

The sound of the broadcast was incredibly crisp and clear. Each word was like a knife cutting into Bai Lang’s heart.

Bai Lang suddenly felt as though he couldn’t breath. Add to it the fact that he had had trouble sleeping for a week, and the vision in front of his eyes suddenly went black. In his chest a terrible pain tore through his heart. Bai Lang unconsciously clutched his left breast, crumpling his shirt.

The man in front of his eyes looked shocked. He took a step closer. Normally Bai Lang would have backed away but this time he found he couldn’t. He could only double over painfully. In his ears the words “wedding”, “dating”, these type of words echoed repeatedly….

The pain in his chest became worse and worse.

It was so painful cold sweat appeared on his skin, and from his eyes tears fell out.

His last impression was that the voice that he originally didn’t like was yelling, filled with desperation.

“Bai Lang!!!?”

****

The terrible pain made Bai Lang gasp, then once again he woke up from a terrible nightmare.

When he opened his eyes, he heard the sound of his own gasping and painful breathing sounding in the quiet room.

Bai Lang lay on the bed. He stared dazed at the white ceiling lit by a street lamp from the window and listened to the sound of his own heart pumping furiously; peng, peng, peng. It felt as though any minute now it would fail.

After a long time, when his heart beat had somewhat slowed down, Bai Lang finally rubbed his face and raised his body to drink a sip of water.

There was a warm thermos beside his bed. In the last few days he had gotten into the habit of preparing one before going to bed.

Only after feeling the warm liquid flow down his throat could let Bai Lang escape from the grasp of repeated nightmare he had night after night.

However if it was only just a nightmare, a dream, then how good would it be?

And if it wasn’t a dream, then how should he describe it….?

Bai Lang clutched the thermos, staring dazed into the darkness.

His eyes turned, unbidden, again to the digital clock sitting on his bedside table.

In the darkness, the illuminated numbers and words clearly showed: August 23rd, Year 20XX.

This was the summer of ten years ago.

The him that had died of a heart attack, had somehow returned to ten years previously.

****

In the entertainment world ten years into the future, although Bai Lang perhaps could not be considered a mega star, he was at least someone who had attained household name status.

He had a warm and gentle image. In the broadcast of the long drama “Partners for Life”, he portrayed the role of a young single father. He held the hand of a five year old little boy and this image of father and son was carved deep into the hearts of the audience.

This kind of suitable role helped shape his image. Bai Lang’s fans came from all age groups: from small school students, to old 70 or 80 year old grandmothers and grandfathers. During a particular time, he was also considered every unmarried girl’s dream “good husband” image representative.

Suitably accompanying Bai Lang’s image was his clean and warm appearance. He had white skin that never tanned, straight and glistening black hair, and full lips that carried with it a natural redness. He had a tall and slender figure and was a living example of a white-skinned and red-lipped scholar from a storybook. After “Partners” became a popular drama, it was extremely difficult for Bai Lang to shake off this image.

This kind of advantage also had its limitations. In his next five dramas, Bai Lang’s company arranged for him roles all of which showed him as a good and upright youth, it was unable to be changed. In the future all of his roles went in this direction: righteous, good and family-friendly.

Thus Bai Lang’s advancement was limited, however since this image was suitable for many types of product endorsements, Bai Lang’s rewards could have been said to be more than his losses. In terms of amount of taxes paid, in many years Bai Lang could have been accounted in the top five artistes, and can be considered an actor who worked hard for the aim of earning money.

[T/N: This is a bit hard to translate. It’s basically saying someone who accepts a lot of roles, not all of which are outstanding, in order to hunker down and slowly bit by bit grind out money. Not someone who is chasing achievement/awards or to make waves.}

However for someone like Bai Lang who had this kind of spotless image, even the slightest bit of slanderous rumors was extremely difficult to recover from.

In these ten years as an actor, Bai Lang had faced three great trials.

The first time was not long after “Partners for Life” became famous. Because of the large debts of Bai Lang’s brother Bai Li, his image suffered a blow. But after all it was the problem of Bai Lang’s family members and was not directly related to him, and so after Bai Lang appeared to help Bai Li clear his debts, he was able to pacify the talk about his low-class family background. However due to this incident, his fame which had only just begun to rise, was once again pulled back down.

The second time Bai Lang became famous, it was after a few more years.

At that time Bai Lang accepted a role in the reality cooking show “Who is Hosting Dinner?” and for the second time tasted the flavor of becoming famous. The friendly and handsome young man would carefully select ingredients and go to a famous star’s home help them cook and host a dinner party for their guests. At the same time the audience was able to see each star’s luxurious homes and get a glimpse into their private lives. This plus the carefully selected menus and delicious delicacies made the show incredibly popular to mothers and grandmothers.

At that time Bai Lang once again became the number one male star that every woman wanted to marry. This was undoubtedly related to his cooking skills. Any company that was half-related to cooking came knocking on Bai Lang’s door to ask him to endorse their products. All the way until an fuzzy and unclear video was broadcasted on a popular video-sharing site, accusing Bai Lang of often attending luxurious yacht parties to gamble and take drugs. These kind of serious accusations led to Bai Lang being investigated by the police. Although the investigation turned up no evidence to support these claims, Bai Lang’s fortune took a second large blow.

But the God of Fortune had clearly taken an interest in Bai Lang. After two quiet and lonely years where he didn’t have much work, Bai Lang shot an MV for a love song and once again audiences took note of this elegant, clean and gentle youth.

At this time Bai Lang was someone who had been in the entertainment circle for many years. After the two previous tumultuous incidences of wind and rain, in which he had experienced the coldness of human hearts, he had learnt to become strong internally. This kind of inner strength and elegant bearing was not something a new young artist who had only experienced success could demonstrate.

When he once again obtained a role as a second male lead in the movie “Sunset”, Bai Lang  portrayed the tragic role of someone who was misunderstood however in the end stood in the background to silently bless the male and female lead. This kind of role strongly hinted about Bai Lang’s own tragedies and misfortunes in the past, and so under the influence of this “full of meaning” image, Bai Lang for the third time achieved a height in his career.

However what didn’t change was, after attaining this height, there would always be an inevitable fall.

The third time was the last time. This time Bai Lang faced the accusation of homosexuality.

According to the stories, Bai Lang was not only gay but he was also a dirty person.

Because he used underhand and terrible methods to force the new star Kang Jian to be with him.

Don’t look at Bai Lang’s cultured and clean image, underneath that he hid a disgusting and ugly face.

Isn’t it obvious that the reason each time Bai Lang was able to return to the spotlight, was because he had climbed into some rich man’s bed?

No wonder Kang Jian felt disgusted, and had no choice but to publicize everything in order to prevent more people from being hurt….

As for the starring role that Bai Lang was originally supposed to have in “Mountain Rain Will Come”, the fact that it was changed to Kang Jian was only karma and justified comeuppance….

This kind of human scum should disappear forever from the entertainment world, and never again see the light of day…

***

Each time he saw this kind of online comment, the corners of Bai Lang’s lips would lift ironically as he reminisced.

All of these was nothing compared to the words Kang Jian had once spoken to him.

“Ah Lang, we love each other. Clearly we haven’t hurt anybody so why do we need to hide our relationship!?”

“I know that you want the best for me. However what I want is to stand proudly by your side. I want to hold your hand in front of the whole world. I love you so much, I don’t want to hide anymore. I’ve suffered enough!!”

“Just think about our future together. Don’t we have many decades together? You know that I can’t let go of you forever. How can we live the rest of our lives hiding in the shadows like sewer rats?”

“Why don’t we try? Let’s try! Perhaps after publicising our relationship, we will everyone’s support and love! Look at these comments, don’t the fans always say they’ll support us no matter what? What do we have to fear!?”

“Anyway, even if the whole world is against us, we will still have each other isn’t that right!?”

***

Unable to withstand Kang  Jian’s begging, Bai Lang finally decided to try. He was stupid, so very stupid.

They had discussed it previously. Bai Lang would first make an appearance at some particular venues, in order to allow the fans some time to get accustomed to the idea. {T/N: Basically at gay venues, bars etc.}

However Bai Lang had only stepped half a foot out of the closet when everything changed.

Kang Jian became uncontactable, and following that poisonous and terrible rumours began to assault Bai Lang.

Bai Lang was hardly able to withstand it, however in order to fulfill his promise to his lover, Bai Lang didn’t run but could only force himself to weather the storm. He had endured the previous two incidents in this manner. Even when his father, mother and older brother all stood out to publicly denounce him, announcing they were severing all ties with him, he could only clench  his teeth and endure it. {T/N: Remember the slanders are not just that he was gay, but that he was someone who was dirty/slept-around/forced other people to be with him etc etc.}

However two weeks later, when Bai Lang finally once again received news of Kang Jian, he was met with this kind of press conference.

In it Kang Jian and Shen LingLing’s wedding was announced, and at the same time Kang Jian stole the role that he had been anticipating for a long time and which was supposed to help change his image.

And so, everything became crystal clear.

However unfortunately it was not until the moment just before he died, that he finally understood everything…

A familiar pain pierced his chest.

Bai Lang paid no attention to it. In the darkness he could only laugh at his own idiocy.

Even he didn’t understand why fate had chosen to return him to ten years ago.

For someone who had nothing to live for like him, what was the point?

Especially for someone like him who had an unhealthy heart, and who had been told by doctors that he had to avoid becoming overly strained or too much pressure, and could only live carefully and delicately, he probably had an expiry date of only 50 or 60 years. In his last life had used it all up prematurely, but this time would the result be any different?

Working hard to live. Living carefully to survive. Last lifetime Bai Lang thought he had done enough.

In the end all he had achieved was an episode of terrible pain. Fortune, fame, in the end all of it had only been empty air.

If he could start again, with even a chance for revenge, so what of it?

However when thinking of those last painful moments, and those strange last images, there was still a few things that Bai Lang couldn’t forget.

It was as though his soul had left his body.

In his previous life, as for what happened after his heart attack, Bai Lang should have had no knowledge. However strangely he actually knew. After he fell down there was someone who had caught his limp body, someone who had called his name desperately, someone who had taken him to the hospital. The images which came after came into his head chaotically…

All the way until the emergency doctor had announced that the resuscitation had failed and that all hope was gone for him. His parents and brother had long cut ties with a “monster” like him. However at his funeral there had been a lone black umbrella shielding him, and someone had with his own two hands, slowly, slowly, taken his ashes into the cemetery.

Bai Lang closed his eyes and recalled his unbelievable images.

He had once heard the older generation say that ghosts at their own funerals, would be drawn to the person who mourned them the most.

Qiu Qian.

Bai Lang would never have thought, that it would be him.