~~

Star

~~

I had meant to turn to look at her, but the clock on the side table near the bed caught my eye first, it was already almost six o’clock. We had been in here for almost four hours.

“Chay, look how late it is.” I nearly yelled but held myself back at the last minute.

“Well, yeah, we’ve been in here a while.” She didn’t look surprised by the time at all. “Come on let’s finish getting you ready so we can go down to dinner.”

“What do you mean, getting me ready?”

“Well, you need something to wear that goes with your new look.” She was smiling at me as she said that.

“Like what?” I couldn’t think of anything that would go with this look at all.

“Your new dress, silly.” She was grinning so much that I suddenly felt like this was all a big set up.

“Did you plan all of this?”

“What, me?” She put on a look that was so falsely innocent that it was beyond obvious. “Of course I did.” She grinned, not even denying it.

“Why?” I didn’t know why, but I felt like she was still planning something.

“Because it’s your birthday and you deserve to look amazing today. You’re eighteen now.”

“Is that all?”

“What else would there be?” I didn’t know what to say to that. Did I think she was trying to do something bad? No, that wasn’t it, but I just felt like something was going to happen. “Come on, go get dressed, and don’t forget the sandals.”

“Alright.” I resigned myself to my fate and went to get dressed.

The closet I had put the clothes in was very large, and even came equipped with a bench seat for putting shoes on, so I just got dressed in there. I slipped my clothes off gently, so as not to mess up my hair and makeup. I then stepped into the dress and pulled it up and over me. With the dress in place I stepped into the shoes and laced them up the way that Chay had shown me at the mall the other day.

When I was fully dressed I stood and faced the mirror. The differences in my hair and makeup had made me feel completely different from what I felt I looked like. But now, adding this dress, I thought I looked like someone normal. I looked like someone who hadn’t spent their life being imprisoned. I looked like someone who had grown up just like everyone else.

The sight made me smile, and brought tears to my eyes, but I fought hard not to let them flow though, so I didn’t mess up the makeup that Chay had worked so hard on.

If I continued on this path, in the direction that I was going, would I be able to be a normal person for real? Not just look like one but actually act like one too? Would I be able to have real friends, people that cared about me and people that I cared about. Would I be able to have a relationship with Artem?

What kind of relationship did I actually want with him anyway? Did I want to just be his friend, did I want him to just be there for me like the others, someone I could rely on? Or did I want to be with him, like Chay was with Bailey, like Ella was with Kent, like all those around me had been with their mates lately?

I have read books, dictionaries and encyclopedias mostly, so I wasn’t stupid. And while I may not know what it all entails, I know what it means for two people to be together. I would have to learn it over time, of course, but I knew what it meant to be a couple.

And I wasn’t opposed to the idea of being with him. I wasn’t going to say that I didn’t want to feel whatever it was he felt for me. And maybe he was right, maybe I would feel it if they could remove my talisman. But what did I want right now?

Right now, I think I wanted to have us get to know each other. I wanted us to spend time together. I wanted us to get closer. But that was all I was ready for right now.

Yes, I had hugged him, on reflex and out of compassion, and both times I thought I was going to die of embarrassment. I had let him carry me and I had sat on his lap, both things I don’t think I would have done if it weren’t for that specific situation.

I was still nervous when he held my hand. I both did and didn’t want to do that. And when he hugged me this morning during breakfast, I had been afraid at first. To be honest I was screaming at myself to stop but had been unable to make myself stop him from hugging me. And why should I, I like him right? Isn’t that normal? Maybe it was just moving too fast, that’s all.

I was still lost in my thoughts when Chay called out to me from my room, breaking into my inner monologue and crazy mental ramblings.

“Did you get lost in there.” Her voice held a note of laughter when yelled.

“No, sorry, I saw myself in the mirror and got to thinking.” I answered her as I walked out of the large closet.

“Were you thinking about how hot you look?” She asked me as she looked me up and down. “Cause, damn girl, you are smokin’ in that dress. Artem is going to choke on his own tongue when he sees you.”

“I don’t understand what that means.” I answered honestly, feeling hopeless and lost.

“It just means he’s going to love the sight of you so much that he won’t be able to talk. I bet you, when he sees you he will stutter, stammer, or just stand there stunned.”

“Really.” I blushed, kind of hoping I would actually get to see Artem act like that.

“Definitely.” Chay seemed so confident in that fact.

While I was smiling at her words I noticed that Chay looked different. During the time that I was in my closet getting changed she had apparently changed her clothes and done her makeup. She hadn’t changed her hair, but it already looked nice. Why was it so quick for her to do that to herself but took forever for me? Was I just not as pretty as her so it took longer to dress me up?

“Come on, let’s go.” Chay grabbed my arm then and started pulling me from the room.

I was nervous. No, scared was a better word for it. Why did I let Chay do this to me? We were only going down to dinner. It wasn’t like it was some big special thing. Oh, why was I so dressed up for nothing?

I could tell everyone was in the dining room when we got downstairs. There were a lot of voices, though they were rather hushed, coming from that direction. I could also smell the food that Artem had made for tonight.

‘Oh no, we’re late for dinner.’ I thought to myself as Chay continued to pull me along toward my doom by embarrassment.