Seizing Dreams

Ch43 – Ryuusei

Translated by: DMlations/Zryuu

Edited by: Amelea, FistFullOfDollars and Juurensha

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Zhou Sheng, “So we can roughly guess the source of the suffering in his heart. Get up, let’s go to the rooftop.”

Zhou Sheng reached out to Yu Hao with a hand that was wearing black fingerless gloves, then vigorously pulled him up. They walked up the stairs from the third floor to reach the inn’s rooftop. From here, they could see most of the rainforest. In the centre of it, under the dusk sky, Yu Hao could clearly make out an enormous waterfall.

On the other side of the waterfall was an enclosed area that appeared to be a stone city.

“That’s a South American something- a pyramid.” Zhou Sheng said doubtfully, “Perhaps it was one of the scenic spots they visited during their travels, I’m not very familiar with these things. Take another look at this conscious world, what else can you sense?”

Yu Hao stood against the backdrop of the vast pitch-black sky. The dark clouds above exuded a heavy and oppressive presence. In every direction, they could see the parts of the rainforest that were burning. Fiery punishments incessantly descended from the heavens, and most of the rainforest blazed brightly within the thunderstorm.

“It’s falling apart.” This was the first thing Yu Hao sensed, “Why is there so much lightning? I remember it appearing in Shi Ni’s dreamscape as well.”

Zhou Sheng said, “Lightning represents the owner’s anger. He’s destroying his own conscious world. Those bolts of lightning are Kaikai’s emotional outbursts.”

Yu Hao said, “He’s destroying his own world?”

Zhou Sheng said calmly, “Yes, that’s the crux.”

Yu Hao suddenly turned around and looked at Zhou Sheng. Zhou Sheng was staring into the distance, “He has already realised that he’s going out of control.”

Yu Hao thought about the panthers that chased him; they had been covered in asphalt from head to toe. He murmured, “So he set all these fires by himself! He wants to burn all the monsters here! Where the hell is he?”

Zhou Sheng said, “This place is too big. As long as he hides in the rainforest, no one will be able to find him, so we can only wait for him to come out by himself. Are you sure that you really weren’t in his safe haven when you appeared here?”

Yu Hao answered, “I’m very sure! No one would use that suspension bridge as a safe haven!”

“Then nearby?” Zhou Sheng asked.

Yu Hao narrowed his eyes. Zhou Sheng continued, “Theoretically speaking, safe havens can be self-destructive.”

Yu Hao, “What?! You never told me that!”

Zhou Sheng said calmly, “Hypothetically, if a person is determined to never seek asylum again and chooses to abandon the only safe haven he has left, then that place would gradually disappear from his conscious world or get destroyed. That should be the principle ba?”

Yu Hao suddenly remembered the debris he saw after he ran across the suspension bridge.

“You need to find a way to help him rebuild his safe haven, then call him to the safe haven and make him wait there.” Zhou Sheng said, “Or jog his memory and make him return to this inn. We can only find that guy if he appears of his own accord……Yu Hao, he’s about to wake up.”

The surrounding scenery began to disintegrate. The mountain ranges in the distance gradually twisted before vanishing into the air like a fog — this was the first time Yu Hao watched the whole process of waking up from a dream. The world was rapidly disappearing, starting from the boundary of the subconscious as it spread towards the center.

The time they spent in the rainforest world was very short. Perhaps it was because Chen Yekai had long suffered from insomnia and didn’t fall asleep until dawn, so Yu Hao and Zhou Sheng had waited for quite awhile beside the Golden Crow Wheel.

This meant that they did not have much time left to search for the whereabouts of Chen Yekai in his dream.

“Ready?” Zhou Sheng raised his hand and his palm shone with a golden light, “Get ready to wake up and eat breakfast.”

“What happens after someone gets ejected by the owner?” Yu Hao asked.

“Nothing.” Zhou Sheng said, “Your head hurts after waking up, it’ll feel like someone woke you up while you were still in a deep slumber.”

No wonder Zhou Sheng is always lying on his table to take a nap. Yu Hao suddenly noticed a rumble that could be heard rising up from the middle of the rainforest, “What’s that?”

Zhou Sheng turned around and realised that something was wrong.

In a covert area of the tropical rainforest, dull footsteps could be heard, accompanied by the sound of collapsing trees, as if a road was being cleared.

“It’s coming towards us.” Yu Hao said.

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“Seems like something huge.” Zhou Sheng said, “And it’s getting faster, but we don’t need to be afraid of it now.”

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While this was happening, the unremitting disappearance of the dream world had spread all the way to the place they were standing. Yu Hao and Zhou Sheng vanished simultaneously with a “buzz”; the sky, the earth, the rainforest, and Iguazu Falls all evaporated, like a universe collapsing and shrinking into a small speck of flashing light——

——Chen Yekai awoke from his dream.

He sighed. He was surrounded by a mess of sealed cartons and dust. He lay quietly as he stared blankly at the ceiling, then turned around and curled up on the sofa. For some reason, last night he had dreamed of countless images of the past that flashed before his eyes, one after another.

The dirty inn, their naked bodies, the fair skin of that young man, their physical bodies that were entangled with each other, as well as the sounds of their heavy breathing. For Chen Yekai, the strongest impression that remained from that afternoon was of Nakagawa Ryuusei’s moist red lips, his pure white teeth, as well as the provocative sensation of warmth from his body.

Their sweat had almost soaked the sheets entirely. Behind the dense canopy of leaves and the dark curtains outside the window, the sunlight that flooded through them landed upon his naked back and made him appear so dazzling that it seemed like a dream.

They had once been so in love that Chen Yekai had been so entranced to the point where the outside world seemed to disappear. That year, he was 21 years old, and it was the first time he tried making love to the 19-year-old man, and it was also the first time in his life to do so. When Nakagawa Ryuusei looked at him, he seemed as if he was looking at a blazing sun that belonged only to him.

Chen Yekai had also tried to control and suppress himself, to construct a dam and repress those unreasonable feelings. But in the end, it collapsed, and the moment it gave way, his emotions roared as they overflowed, rushing downwards like the Iguazu falls. Chen Yekai fucked him like he had gone crazy, and at the moment he shot into Nakagawa Ryuusei’s body, he couldn’t even believe that his heart could contain such an intense and boundless love, until those turbulent feelings were within reach below him.

“What do you like about me?” Chen Yekai had asked Nakagawa Ryuusei before.

Nakagawa Ryuusei thought for a long time, and finally answered him seriously in Spanish. Afterwards, Chen Yekai went to ask a few people, and all their reactions were the same after they heard his question — they laughed until they had to hold their stomachs and refused to answer him.

Later on, a Chinese student answered him with a smile. That slang had several meanings in Spanish, but he was sure that Nakagawa Ryuusei’s meaning after translation into Chinese was: “Big and lively dick.” Chen Yekai’s face immediately flushed red.

It has already been four years since he lost Nakagawa Ryuusei, yet everything still seemed as if it had just happened yesterday. Every detail, every word, and even the feeling of the sunlight that streamed in through the windows onto his bare back and their kisses that were blended with sweat, all still felt incredibly real.

The doorbell rang twice.

“Coming.” Chen Yekai replied in a soft voice.

The doorbell rang again.

“Coming!”

Chen Yekai answered, absolutely worn out. He picked up the cup of water beside the sofa and finished what was left inside in one gulp before he went to open the door. A few couriers were waiting outside the door. They carried his boxes downstairs, then passed him the bill to sign.

Chen Yekai stood in front of the door for awhile.

Just as he was about to close the door, a hand rested against the door frame before slowly pushing open the door, and Yu Hao’s pale and restless face appeared before him.

“Morning.” Yu Hao said.

“Morning.” Chen Yekai said softly. From Yu Hao’s expression, he could tell that it seemed like he was in quite a poor state today, so he quickly wiped his face with his hand before turning around to go wash up.

Yu Hao had come unannounced. He went to one side to draw the curtains, and with a swish, the glaring sunlight illuminated the empty dormitory.

Yu Hao drew open all the curtains, and the sunlight began to burn Chen Yekai’s soul. He used his hand to shield himself and gradually became accustomed to the late spring’s warm sun. After he finished washing up, Chen Yekai twisted the hot water tap and bent over to wash his hair in the sink. The hot water flowed past his ears and into his eyes. He stretched his hand out to try and find something, Yu Hao handed him a towel.

“Thank you.” Chen Yekai placed his passport in his backpack.

Yu Hao pulled a chair out and sat down at the dining table.

“Have you had breakfast?” Chen Yekai asked.

Yu Hao didn’t answer, and only stared at Chen Yekai quietly.

Chen Yekai answered, “What do you want to drink?” Then immediately realised, “The coffee machine has already been moved out.”

Yu Hao studied the dormitory that had been emptied out. He and Chen Yekai sat on opposite ends of the dining table, and within this empty world, only sunlight remained. Chen Yekai never looked at Yu Hao from the start, he only stared at the table in a trance.

“Isn’t there anything you want to say?” Yu Hao suddenly asked.

Chen Yekai answered, “My flight’s at 12:50. I wanted to find you at 9:30 to say goodbye, but you came early.”

Yu Hao, “What if I had class?”

Chen Yekai, “You have no classes today.”

Yu Hao, “What if I went out?”

Chen Yekai, “You wouldn’t have left the college. You would have/watched your phone all day, waiting for my message.”

After their simple conversation, they quietened down again. Chen Yekai smiled a bit sadly, “Thank you very much for that night.”

Yu Hao couldn’t help but joke, “You’re welcome. This tablecloth looks quite nice.” After all, ever since the two of them met today, they have just been staring blankly at the tablecloth.

Chen Yekai knew what Yu Hao meant, so he began to laugh after he heard his words. He had a handsome countenance, his laughter was very infectious, and he even had small dimples on his cheeks. Even if Yu Hao didn’t like him, he still felt quite happy to see such a handsome guy. If he had an older brother like him, then it would’ve been something he could have been very proud of ba.

The two of them looked at the tablecloth on the dining table again. Chen Yekai said, “A skilled expert is like a magician. Once they grab a tablecloth, they can pull it away with one swift and neat movement. Everything on the table remains, but the tablecloth would be gone.”

“Are you talking about love?” Yu Hao said.

“A moment in your life, a memory, these should all be like that ba.” Chen Yekai finally looked at Yu Hao, “Yu Hao.”

“The world is much bigger than you think. Once you leave college and enter society, I believe that you’ll meet someone who likes you, who you will also like in return. This path is very difficult, but it’s not as difficult as you imagine it to be. The important thing is, you definitely shouldn’t torture yourself.”

Yu Hao’s heart began jumping wildly. He knew that Chen Yekai could tell he likes Zhou Sheng.

“Chen Laoshi.” Yu Hao looked at Chen Yekai, “May I ask a question? Why are you resigning? Can you tell me the truth?”

After a brief silence, Chen Yekai answered, “Because in this lifetime, there are too many things that I don’t have the power to change. It made me gradually realise that changing an environment didn’t mean that everything could restart from scratch.”

“For example?” Yu Hao said, and tried to suppress the questions that Zhou Sheng told him to ask about the truth behind Liang Jinmin’s incident.

Chen Yekai said, “For example, Nakagawa Ryuusei. You should’ve heard of that name before ba?”

Yu Hao, “!!!”

Yu Hao didn’t expect Chen Yekai to actually take the initiative to raise this issue, so he became nervous at once. Yet Chen Yekai smiled as he said, “It’s okay, it’s not something that can be concealed. Did you search me up online?”

Yu Hao’s face looked blank, “I didn’t ah.”

Now it was Chen Yekai’s turn to be a little surprised.

What Yu Hao was most worried about wasn’t Ryuusei, but the extreme action Chen Yekai was about to take with his scalpel that night. But Chen Yekai clearly didn’t want to mention it again and being trapped in such a mental state was quite dangerous.

“You really didn’t?”

Yu Hao recalled the past and said, “I have, I remember now. I’ve searched before, but I only found out that your English name is Nicky, and how you used to be the……hottest guy at Columbia University.”

“It has been a lot of years since then.” Chen Yekai answered, “I was still an undergraduate then.”

“I really didn’t find anything else.” Yu Hao felt about for his phone and flipped through its search record as he showed it to Chen Yekai. Chen Yekai smiled as he waved his hand, “I trust you.”

“Who’s Ryuusei?” Yu Hao said.

He had just finished asking his question when the doorbell suddenly rang. Yu Hao got up to open the door, Zhou Sheng walked in with breakfast from McDonald’s. But it seemed as if Chen Yekai had expected this beforehand, and he smiled, “And I was wondering why you didn’t come, turns out you went to buy breakfast.”

“And you knew that I would come?” Zhou Sheng took out a coffee and a breakfast with the M mark on it and passed it to Chen Yekai.

“The two of you are inseparable.” Chen Yekai said, “If Yu Hao’s here, there’s no reason for you not to come.”

“Originally I really didn’t want to come, I thought that yesterday was our farewell.” Zhou Sheng removed the lid from his coffee cup. After he added some sugar and milk in it, he handed it to Yu Hao.

“Today doesn’t count either. I don’t like to say goodbye so seriously.” Chen Yekai smiled, “As long as you don’t say goodbye, it’ll seem like it’s not over yet.”

“It’s only after you say ‘see you again’, that we really will see you again.” Yu Hao said, “So we’ll still need to bid farewell with the words ‘see you again’.”

This sentence seemed to have touched Chen Yekai, who once again fell into silence.

“If you want to talk, then let’s chat ba.” Yu Hao answered, “Don’t try to bottle it all up.”

These were the words that Chen Yekai had said to Yu Hao when they first met. After Zhou Sheng finished his breakfast, he cleaned everything up and said, “I’m going to class.”

“Sit ba.” Chen Yekai said, “You don’t have classes today either, who are you putting on an act for?”

Zhou Sheng threw the rubbish away and sat down at the dining table. Chen Yekai once again fell into a long period of silence.

“I believe you.” Yu Hao suddenly said. This was also what Chen Yekai had said to him the first time they met.

“What do you know? What’s there to believe? Yet you still say that you’ll believe me just like that.” Chen Yekai smiled as he spoke.

Yu Hao answered, “We’ll believe whatever you say.”

They all held a cup of coffee in their hands. Chen Yekai took a sip of his black coffee, “When I look at you sometimes, it’s like I’m looking at Nakagawa Ryuusei. Both of you are about the same height, and during our first meeting, you were both like melancholic princes. He was my junior, majoring in anthropology. He was Liang Laoshi’s student, an undergraduate, Liang Laoshi seldom takes undergraduates under her wing……”

Yu Hao and Zhou Sheng listened quietly.

Chen Yekai’s father is a very famous barrister, while his mother is a housewife. Since childhood, Chen Yekai has always had the best educational resources and by the time he was 17, he had already completed all of the courses in high school and had been admitted into Columbia University. His parents expected him to study abroad before returning to the country to get married, to look for a wife that he could live with in wedded bliss and have a happy life.

And ever since he was a child, he had never seriously been in a relationship with anyone. He bore in mind what his family had taught him——to leave all the feelings he had in this lifetime for the person that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Although he had never lacked suitors, Chen Yekai spent most of his time reading and learning instead.

Within just two and a half years, he graduated from his undergraduate course. He became Lin Xun’s postgraduate student when he was 20-years-old, and after he got to know Lin Xun and Liang Jinmin, he became Liang Jinmin’s assistant teacher.

He’s practically that kid you see in the newspapers — the perfect example of an outstanding person. When Yu Hao heard Chen Yekai’s history, he couldn’t help but think this in his heart.

When he was an assistant teacher, Chen Yekai often helped Liang Jinmin grade papers and read her students’ papers, which was how he came to know the name ‘Nakagawa Ryuusei’. Ryuusei’s father was Chinese, while his mother was Japanese. She was the daughter of the chairman of a multinational corporation, and coincidentally, his father was an employee of said corporation who was in charge of receiving the charmain and his family. That was when he and Ryuusei’s mother fell into the river of love.

After she returned to Japan, Nakagawa Tenshu gave birth to a very good-looking mixed-blood child, and Ryuusei also acquired another identity — a son born out of wedlock.

Ryuusei was a lonely child. His parents’ transnational marriage, coupled with his maternal and paternal families’ hostility, their scorn for his father, the mockery and disdain for their love, his relatives’ gazes, and everything else, had caused him to seal his heart. In the end, his maternal grandfather forked out a sum of money and made arrangements for him to study abroad, and Ryuusei finally managed to escape that ‘suffocating place’.

Chen Yekai then walked into his life, but he didn’t realise how his existence had illuminated Nakagawa Ryuusei’s world. After they got acquainted, Chen Yekai began to take care of Ryuusei in his capacity as a senior, and gradually, the feelings between them grew deeper and deeper.

It was not until Chen Yekai realised that Ryuusei was in love with him before he knew it was too late. He had already begun to be infatuated with Ryuusei’s melancholic and quiet temperament, as well as his dependence on himself — that kind of feeling where he was the only one in his whole world.

Zhou Sheng, “……”

Yu Hao suddenly had a vague realisation of the hidden meaning behind Chen Yekai’s remarks today. This wasn’t just his memory of his old lover, but also a message to Zhou Sheng, telling them to face their feelings directly.

It was as if Yu Hao was getting to know Chen Yekai again. A violent undercurrent of gratitude surged through his heart for Chen Yekai.

He wanted to thank Chen Yekai, but Chen Yekai seemed to have read it from his eyes, and he gave him a simple smile in return.

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