Chapter 32: Chapter 32

“Daddy… ”

I covered my mouth with my trembling hands. The dark despair, frustration, and desperate sense of shame lurking deep in my heart melted away with hot tears.

I felt I was stupid because I misunderstood my father.

Why did I misunderstand him when he was so worried about me? Even though he didn’t express it to me, he was supporting me.

I didn’t trust him because I saw him just passing by with a smile in his blue eyes when I said I wanted to learn fencing. Even though it was me who answered childishly that I wanted to live with my father instead of replying honestly, I overlooked the fact that his approval of my fencing learning showed his trust in me. Even though he has always been a strong support for me, I struggled to do it by myself instead of trusting him totally.

I decided that instead of relying on God, I would live while caring for people around me. I decided that I would live making eye contact with people, laughing together, expressing my sorrow when I have a hardship, and complaining when I have to. Why did I forget such a decision for a long time? I’m not alone anymore. There are people around me, who care about me and want to try to help me.

I wanted to see Allendis. Looking back, I always met his eyes. I wanted to see my father, too. He always hugged me whenever I was caught in the shadow of the past.

I missed them. I missed these precious people who I was turning away from again.

I missed their affectionate eyes and warm touch.

Wiping my tears, I vowed that I would not be impatient any more, thinking that like my father and Allendis said, I now had people to hold me whenever I reached out, and all I had to do was to do my best because others would fill in when I was lacking.

“Can I come in for a minute, lady?”

How much time had passed? I came to my senses at someone’s low voice outside. I hurriedly looked into the mirror. My nose and eyes were red. What should I do?

Resigned to the situation, I asked him to come in, and the door opened. Soon a knight in white uniform stepped in. He looked at my face and flinched for a moment, but said why he came to see me without asking anything. As a royal knight, he must have seen many other women in the palace. In fact, he came to say goodbye as the other night was taking over now that his shift was over. I opened my mouth slowly when he was about to bow out.

“Sir Seymour.”

“Please go ahead.”

“Can you help me?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Well, shall we move to another place first. I think seeing is believing.?”

I smiled gently at the young blonde knight who was looking at me curiously.

Now that I couldn’t get any help from Lars, I needed this knight’s help.

“I didn’t know you were learning fencing until now.”

Sir Seymour, who was puzzled the moment I entered the training place, was surprised when I picked up the training sword skillfully.

“Yes, that’s correct.”

“But you are the next…”

“What you want to ask is why I am wasting my time practicing fencing as I won’t use it when I become a member of the imperial family, right?”

“Yes, that’s right.”

“I am an immediate member of the Monique family, the spear of the empire. Do I need another reason? ”

“…No.”

The blonde knight was slowly shaking his head. It seemed that he thought I could learn fencing as my family was one of the best martial arts families in the empire.

“I ran into many difficulties while practicing alone after my father left. So, if you don’t mind, I’d like to ask you to coach me.”

“Oh, I see, but …”

“Please. I don’t think it’s a bad offer to you. Wouldn’t it be better for you to guide and train me rather than just escorting me all day long? ”

“… All right, no problem.”

“Thank you very much, Sir Seymour. Hope I’m in great hands.”

I vowed, ‘Let me start again with a new determination. Let me do it slowly. Don’t be impatient and do my best. By doing so, I’m going to repay myself who made a strenuous effort and those who have trusted me until now.’

I pledged once again and smiled broadly at the blonde knight shining under the sun.

It seems like yesterday when I thought autumn was coming soon, but it was already winter. I was puffing white steam from my mouth, and my hand holding my sword was frozen.

It seemed that the winter came very early this year.

“Your posture is not right, my lady!”

Since I requested it, Sir Seymour coached my practice from time to time. Although he focused on teaching me the basics, that was enough for me. Thanks to his help, my skills have been improving.

“Good job, my lady.”

“Thanks for your coaching today.”

When I returned home after heating up my frozen body in warm water, Sir Seymour changed into a comfortable uniform which was white like snow. Despite his polite refusal, I asked him to have a seat across from me and read a book. As I focused only on fencing until now, I was trying to learn other things as much as I could.

“Someone is coming. Be careful … ”

The blonde knight, who silently drank the tea in front of me, suddenly stood up. The door was thrown open even before he finished his words. The moment I turned my head in surprise, my view was blocked by his white uniform.

“Who are you? Please identify yourself. ”

“…Royal knight? Why is the royal knight defending the imperial family hanging around here?”

I clearly remembered his voice. Why did he come here? I thought he would never come again.

I felt I needed to tell Sir Seymour that he didn’t have to be wary.

“It’s okay, Sir Seymour. I know him. ”

“Okay, lady.”

When the young knight stepped slightly to the side, his flaming red hair caught my eye.

I stood up slowly, sighing deep down.

“It’s been a while, Carsein.”

“Yeah, I think so.”

“Why did you come here? I thought I would never see you again.”

The boy had no answer. Instead, he glanced at Sir Seymour. When the boy asked the knight to leave, he nodded unexpectedly.

The red-haired boy raised his eyes and spoke as soon as the door closed,”Hey, you!”

“Go ahead, please.”

“The more I think about it, the more angry I get. I just can’t give it a pass.”

“… ”

“You told me to behave myself, conscious of the honor of my father and my family, right? Do you know how rude you were when you said that? Even if your family and mine are in the same boat, your remarks could spark a family fight if something went wrong. Do you know that?”

“I know.”

I nodded when he got down to the point. I just spat out what came to my mind as I was upset about him at that time. So, what I said could entangle the two families into a big fight.

“I was reckless back then. Sorry, I apologize. ”

“… Hey, you!”

“Why?”

“Do you think you can get away with such a quick apology when you have told me to behave myself?”

I smiled at him as he stared at me as if he was dumbfounded. I thought it’s funny that I told him what I learned from his father about the basic manners of the empress candidate.

“Do you think offering apologies disgraces your honor?”

“Of course!?”

“Why? Don’t you think that failure to apologize for doing something wrong or express appreciation even if you receive a favor is something dishonorable? If you are blamed by others for your needless pride, can you say that it is an honorable behavior?”

“… ”

“That’s why I apologized for something that I felt wrong about. By the way…”

“Ugh?”

“Do you know that the way you have treated me disrespectfully until now could also escalate into a family feud?”

I looked up at him with a scornful smile. He would notice my smile was meaningful if he were not stupid. Not surprisingly, the boy’s expression slowly distorted.

“Ugh, that’s because…”

“Please go ahead.”

“Sorry, lady. I’m really sorry for that.”

“I accept your apology.”

“What I mean is…”