Chapter 36: Chapter 36

I opened my eyes when Allendis spoke with a subdued voice. With a bitter-looking smile, he pulled me to his side silently. I was comforted when he gently patted my back and held me in his arms warmly, looking at me silently. Although I could not find the absolute comfort in him that I found in my father, I felt consoled by his gentle patting on my back.

Carried away with his warm touch, I leaned my head on him. It looked like some of my despair disappeared when I was held in his arms, smelling his unique body odor.

As I felt much better, I breathed deeply when Lars caught my eye while turning his head.

With a wry face, he immediately got angry at me and said, “What are you doing now? Pull away from him right now! I can’t stand it anymore. How could a lady hug a man so easily?”

“Hey, Lars?” Allendis challenged.

“What are you doing, Allendis? How shameful…”

“I think I have to leave now. If I stay a bit longer, I think I’m overstaying and in breach of the table manners.”

Allendis let go of me, responding to Lars scornfully. I slowly stood up and looked out the window.

‘Oh, time passed so fast!’

After seeing Lars off who often looked back and Allendis who told me he would come back tomorrow, I headed to my bedroom. I felt I should go to bed early today.

As the day of the crown prince’s coming-of-age ceremony was approaching, the capital city of Castilla became crowded with incoming nobles. The boutiques specializing in dresses for nobles were booming, and the people were satisfied with the emperor’s rule thanks to the release of the massive reserve grains. Some of the nobles balked at the luxurious ceremony at a time when the empire was suffering from famine, but the emperor was determined to have the ceremony proceed in a splendid manner even if the imperial family was financially strained because of the poor crops. Moreover, the person who came of age would be the next emperor.

Everyone was in a cheerful mood, but I couldn’t be. I was so busy because I had to attend in my capacity as the crown prince’s fiancee, but I was often afflicted with despair and hopelessness. As the day was coming nearer day by day, I got more and more nervous.

“Please eat a little more, young lady. You have to go through a big event tomorrow… ”

“I can’t eat anymore. Let me stop here. By the way, Lina, have you heard anything from my father? ”

“No, not yet. Don’t worry too much, lady. He will be in touch with you soon. ”

“… Got it.”

I lay on my bed and thought about it. What happened? Although those officials dispatched to the border returned to the capital one by one, I haven’t heard anything from him.

‘Did something bad happen to him? What if he never comes back? ‘

When I came to think of the day of possible farewell to him, my heart sank. I couldn’t stand it.

“Let’s not think that way, Aristia.”

I murmured to myself, holding the doll he gave me on my birthday last year. Probably he forgot to send me a letter because he had to go on a long journey. In terms of swordsmanship, he was the best and strongest man in the empire. So, there is no possibility that somebody could harm him. Besides, he didn’t go to the battlefield, but the border area for regular inspection.

I curled up and pulled the blanket over me. I was exhausted because I had to prepare for the ceremony for the past several days, but I was still lucid. While tossing and turning on the bed because of endless idle thoughts, I opened my eyes at the noise coming from outside.

‘What’s going on?’

Shortly afterwards, Lina came in and asked carefully.

“My lady, Veritas wants to see you. What should I do?”

“Really? Please let him in. I would rather move to another place to talk with him, but I’m too weak to do so.”

“Okay, my lady. Instead, I’ll leave the door open a bit. ”

“Whew! Yes, please.”

I slowly raised my body and sat, leaning against the pillow.

What the heck is going on? Unlike me, who used to attend official events as a child because of my status as the fiancée of the crown prince, it was customary for most of the nobles to make their debut in social circles for the first time when they came of age.

But the banquet tomorrow was a little different. As the ceremony was to commemorate the next emperor’s coming of age, it was clear that most nobles would attend, even if they were young. If that’s the case, even Alendis would attend the banquet tomorrow, and he would be very busy. Nonetheless, he visited me.

“It’s been a while, Tia. I was going to ask if you were keeping well, but you don’t look good.”

“Well, so so.”

“Why do you look so pale? I’m sad,Tia.”

Looking a bit tired, Allendis approached my bed and kneeled beside it.

He held my shaking hands, “I’ve come here to tell you something, but you look too tired. Should I leave?”

“Oh, no. I’m a little tired, but I can talk with you.”

“Are you really okay?”

“Yes, don’t worry.” When I smiled feebly, he felt sympathetic.

“So, are you prepared now?”

“Yes, sort of.”

“I’m sure you must have been distressed as your father was away.”

“Well, a little.”

I could say I was very distressed, but I didn’t. As he looked at me anxiously, he gently patted my hands and comforted me. I smiled gently, feeling his warmth when he touched my hands.

There was silence for a long time. He said he came here to tell me something, but he kept hesitating, as usual. What was he trying to tell me? The moment I tried to ask because I couldn’t wait anymore, Allendis said with a determined expression, “You know, Tia. Actually, while I was talking with Lars, I came to hear about your condition until now. ”

“Huh? What are you talking about? ”

“Well, I heard you were very sick. I also heard that you seemed impatient as if you were being chased by somebody.”

“… ”

“I was very upset after hearing that. I wrote a letter to you just in case you were sick. I really hoped you wouldn’t get sick.”

I had nothing to say, so I shut up. I listened silently to what he was saying.

“So, I think it’s still premature for me to say this. You might try to push me out if I say this, but I don’t think I can’t stand it anymore.”

“Huh?”

“Tia, just a little, a little bit is enough. Can you open your mind? Can’t you tell me what you’re thinking deep down?”

My face stiffened at that. I put my hands on my heart that started to beat faster and faster, pretending to be casual.

“What do you mean?”

“You’re always kind to me, but you never open your heart to me. So, I don’t know why you are distressed or what makes you feel stressed out or why you hate the crown prince or why you are trying to get out of the imperial family so desperately. I just don’t know anything.”

“Allen.”

“If you father were here with you, or if you had someone you can rely on, I wouldn’t be here like this. But your father is away and you don’t have anyone to depend on now. Obviously, you’re greatly distressed when you have to attend the crown prince’s coming-of-age ceremony tomorrow, but I really don’t know how to help you. I can’t find a solution because I don’t know.”

I began to feel nauseated. I closed my eyes to try to turn away from his emerald eyes.

‘Don’t tell him anything!’ Some cold voice deep inside me ordered me. ‘Are you going to open your heart to him because of his comforting words? What if you get abandoned again?’

This time another voice asked. ‘Can’t you believe in Allendis? Remember your vow that you would walk with people around you? Even if he knew that you’re hiding something, he’s asking you how to help instead of avoiding you?

‘Can I believe him?’

I was breathing faster and faster. ‘If you don’t want to be abandoned again, say no!’ Said the first voice. Another voice refuted it, but it was fading away gradually.