Chapter 1479: Why Did You Hate Me?

“Tell me quickly. I want to know if you were a good boy behind my back,” Jiang Yuyan insisted as she turned to face him who was sitting on the couch while facing her and his hand resting on the backrest.

“I am a bad guy in front of you even. Why did you expect me to be a good boy when I was away?” he countered with a mischievous smile.

She narrowed her eyes at him, “No more counter comments. I want an answer.”

“Fine!” Finally, he agreed. Not like he minded answering it as there was no need to hide these things. In his opinion, it was nothing wrong.

“I am listening,” she said again.

Lu Lijun chuckled a little and replied, “Umm…If I am not wrong. It was during the second year of senior secondary.”

“What?” she exclaimed, “You were still in school. Let me count how old you were. Normally kids are around seventeen but given the fact you have skipped a grade, you were just fifteen. Did you..did you watch it when you were just fifteen?” she asked in shock.

“Hmm!” he nodded without any hesitation, “And I think I was quite late.”

She could not believe this shameless man, “Late? You were so young and you call it late. Were you planning to watch it even before?”

“Is there anything wrong?” He asked nonchalantly. “Kids these days watch it even before. I and my friends were the late ones.”

“I can’t believe it. Instead of feeling guilty in front of me, you are regretting thinking you were late,” the responsible guardian inside her came out, “I…I sent you there to study and what were you doing? How…Who told you to watch all this…I can’t believe it….”

“And that was the first time I thought about you in any other way,” Lu Lijun interrupted her as he looked straight into her eyes. “That was the first time I thought about you in an intimate way.”

It shocked her as well as left her speechless and could only look at him not being able to comment on it.

Looking at her surprised and speechless face, he continued as he turned serious from the teasing one, “And I hated myself for that.”

It surprised her even more as she could see he meant it, “Lijun.”

He continued to recall that time in the past, “That night I hated myself for thinking about you that way. I was so angry that I messed up my entire room by throwing everything here and there to take my anger out. I was angry at myself so I didn’t know how to take that anger out. Martha and Jerome asked me what happened but I could not answer them. Both didn’t force me and they ended up fixing my entire room while I was just angry at myself. Whatever I try, that anger won’t go away.”

“Then?” she asked to know how he coped with it.

“Then I wondered if I was angry because I hated you. I forced myself to believe that it was the case and I believed I was angry because I hated you.”

“Did you hate me that much?” she asked.

“Do you really think so?” he asked.

She shook her head and he continued, “Now I think about it, I was angry because in my eyes you were someone pure that I should not have thought in that way.”

Jiang Yuyan didn’t know what to say about it. She didn’t want to think about a fifteen-year-old boy thinking about her in an intimate way. Though that boy was grown up now and she was in love with him, it was awkward and hard to even think about it.

He continued, “In the starting years of coming to England, I didn’t return home because I was being stubborn but in later years I didn’t return home because of this.”

“Because you thought of me that way?” she asked.

He nodded, “I never wanted to think about you in that way but I could not control my thoughts. I tried to make myself believe that I only hate you hoping that it will stop but it didn’t work. As I was growing up and you know grown-up kids have needs and then things go like this. I could not stop thinking about you and then getting angry at myself.”

“Did you find the way to manage your anger?” she asked, feeling worried about him being angry all the time.

He nodded, “When I could not stop thinking about you, I made myself an excuse that we are married and there is nothing wrong with it.”

“Must have been tough for you.”

“It was but later I got used to it. Whatever I try, I could never come to like another girl around me and all I had was you. Though I made myself believe that I hate you, I always thought you belonged to me. I didn’t want to acknowledge that I in fact loved you. That thought angered even more.”

“Can I ask you something?” she asked.

“Hmm!”

“Why did you hate me for? For sending you away to England?”

He nodded. “But there was more to it.”

“What?”

He paused for a moment to think clearly and then asked, “After my brother was gone and you were taking care of me, slowly I started to think you are my responsibility and I should take care of you. I wanted to protect you but I was a kid and could do nothing. I saw you beating that man who hurt me just a little but I was not able to protect you. More than you, I was angry at myself. When you asked me to leave for England, it hurt me more to think I was nothing but the responsibility to you that came in your way. You didn’t want me anymore because I can not help you in any way and can not even protect you.”