So as April contemplated Dean’s condo interior and what design would suit his style she thought about her old life with James Stewart. James had on the surface brought her heart pounding moments and happiness yet he quickly abandoned her love and care for another woman.

He said she was his forever type of girl and he would fight for her but in the end, she was left broken when he left. Was she truly unworthy of love?

What she thought was an eternity of smiles and love as he had described turned out to be just words that wounded her like daggers over and over again. He once brought her smiles with a single message now she had nothing. So could she learn to love another after such a harsh lesson or should she now keep her heart safe and once again not share it with the world.

Dean like James made her heart flutter in excitement and this feeling now reminded her of a bitter reality. Words that are sweet one moment can cause great pain in the next. Forever for James was so short in reality. She gave herself to a man that left her so quickly for another why?

One minute you are ascending to heaven the next you lie shattered in a million pieces. Wasn’t she entitled to her forever love? Instead, she got hurt again. James moved on before she knew it, did he know the anguish and pain he caused her? That she hadn’t slept, smiled or eaten since he said his goodbye. No, he didn’t because it wouldn’t have mattered he had moved on.

She had asked a college friend before why did he do this and all she got was a painful analogy. Her college friend gave it to her as harshly as possible as he tought he thought it was the quickest way for her to get over James, but it didn’t help. The analogy was…

‘Think of it as like you are just a tissue to him. After he used you to satisfy himself. He just stained you and throw it into the nearby trash can. Yeah, you are right I am offending you with my words so it will sink into your hard headed head don’t be a foolish woman.’

April had responded that she still missed him and would take him back in a heartbeat any day but her friend gave her another bite of harsh reality.

‘Still, you aren’t chosen it’s like this, I like two fruits tastes orange and grapes but my mom only let me choose one!

I choose grapes, because it’s the best to my likings. The conclusion here is the orange are liked by that kid, but still not chosen. The word “like” is the only compensation to you, for not having a much worse situation.

I hope you get what I mean… You better not think about it and divert your attention to something else, or somewhere else. Don’t lower your WORTH by comforting yourself with the words ‘He said he liked me.’ You are much better than that.’

Once a love lesson was given her walls came up and she didn’t want to let anyone back in, though she still hoped for a message she knew in her heart none would come. She couldn’t even be bothered to fake a smile. Yes, it was a difficult time with the lack of sleep and not eating but it built not only a shield around her heart but taught a hard lesson in life and love.

April shook her head dispelling her thoughts and imagery of the past. She didn’t want to dwell or feel that way again ever. Her college friend in her past life had given her a spoonful of reality and it was hard to swallow. She even waited for James and her college friend called her a dumb woman over and over but she couldn’t help it.

A friendship night out with Dean, Casey and Micheal would be fun and much needed. Who needed the heartbreak again in this lifetime, once was enough. So with her memories of the past, she thought through her feelings and set herself back to the task of Deans condo.

Before she knew it, it was clocking off time and she could leave for the day. She said goodbye to all her new colleagues and friends. She drove home on autopilot and somehow ended up back in her condo. She stripped off and went to the bathroom and filled up the bath.

She didn’t realise thinking too much about her past self had made her feel the sadness of being alone again. She had no one to say good morning beautiful or how’s is your day?.

She shook her head and submerged herself in the bathwater. Trying to wash away the loneliness. Once she was done, she dried and dressed in her robe she went to her art room and sat down to stare at an empty canvas before she felt the urge to paint her feelings. This was a release for her. Hours passed like in her past life hunger evaded her and she sat back looking at the painting. 

It was of an angel falling into darkness. Sighing she left the painting to dry and went to bed with paint on her cheek and fingers. She curled up in bed and willed herself to sleep. She would get up tomorrow and put that shield around herself.

Beep Beep

April was still awake staring at her alarm clock, she hit the mute button and got up and got changed for the day. Sleep evaded her, she had spent too much time yesterday thinking of her past loneliness.

She quickly put on light makeup with her signature red lip and eyeliner and decided to wear a black pencil skirt and black blouse for today she rushed out and grabbed her phone, handbag and heels for the day.

Rushing out she bumped into a sturdy wall, she looked up and it was Dean happily smiling down at her.