Chapter 47

Diaquit had acted as if the forces on his side were quite huge.

I don’t know if he knew that Roman was the last prince of the ruined country, but it was only natural that he gained momentum since he was the lord of the largest organization of the continent and a powerful wizard.

He told me he wanted to prepare more perfectly for the war.

And Roman had just been experimenting. What if it was an experiment that would be useful in the war?

The deeper I speculated, the more goosebumps appeared on my skin.

I understand that in the previous life Kwanach’s army struggled for a long time. I’m sure that Roman continued to support the Northern Alliance even then.

It was the Guilier who had a huge amount of money. With the Guilier as their golden goose, the North managed to hold on despite struggling for several years.

But it seemed that the Roman’s experiment was not completed before the regression. I’ve never heard of anything being done with dead bodies.

“Is it possible that this time the experiment will be perfected?

If that’s the case, then Kwanach may be defeated in the upcoming war. That would also mean victory for my homeland……..

‘No. I can’t  let Roman and Diaquit win.’

I knew now what horrible things they had done. It was time to put emotions aside and make a rational decision.

‘No, the war shouldn’t have started in the first place, but if it is inevitable, I must choose Kwanach.’

After organizing my thoughts, I looked at Kwanach with the fever burning hot.

Kwanach spoke  in a voice full of concern.

“Usphere. Are you okay?”

“Kwanach ……we need to stop Roman.”

“Of course. Now that he is locked up in the Imperial Palace, we can get to the bottom of it and deal with him.”

“But it won’t end with Roman….”

I bit my lips, pausing for a moment.

In order to prevent war, I had to reveal Diaquit’s plot. If I tell Kwanach that I had been contacting Diaquit, it will also become clear that the marriage alliance has in fact turned out to be a lie.

If I really want to be in the same boat as Kwanach and deal with the enemies, I must not tell any more lies.

If Diaquit finds out that I chose Kwanach’s side, he will do anything to break us apart. He can even expose me as being sympathetic to this sham of a marriage.

It’d be better to tell everything as soon as possible honestly. The longer the lie, the heavier the atonement for my sins had to be.

But when I was about to break the news, my lips trembled and my heart tightened.

How would Kwanach react if he knew my brother was actually going to attack him? Would he believe me?

I lowered my eyes and looked at my stomach.

This marriage was actually meant to deceive Kwanach…..He wanted to have a child of my blood, if I told him that such a thing was impossible from the beginning….

Kwanach would feel betrayed and might even demand a divorce immediately. In fact, that would be a natural reaction between those who were bound in a political marriage.

But somehow I don’t think Kwanach would do that….

I remembered Kwanach holding me and crying when I collapsed after being poisoned. That sobbing was certainly from his heart.

I reflected on the tenderness that he just embraced me.

He might be angry and disappointed, but I know Kwanach will listen to me. If I ask him sincerely, he may not break up the marriage until he solves all the problems with Diaquit. Or…

I wondered if it was too much of a hope, but I had a feeling that he would remain my husband forever.

It was all thanks to Kwanach that I was able to embrace such a pure hope in a relationship that started as a political marriage. The kindness that he had shown me so far had been so solid.

I took a deep breath and then opened my mouth.

“Diaquit Catatel. My brother may be Roman’s partner in crime.”

“What do you mean?”

I grabbed Kwanach’s hand, lowered my head and murmured.

“I’m sorry, Kwanach, I’ve actually lied to you…..”

My breathing became increasingly ragged due to my nervousness.

“It doesn’t matter what you lied about, Usphere. It’s fine. Tsk, tsk, don’t you have a fever? You should lie down now.”

Kwanach gently laid me down on the bed again. He stroked my forehead ever so gently.

“I’ll call the doctor.”

“It’s okay. This is more important. Let’s just talk about this……”

Kwanach wrinkled his forehead in frustration. I hurried and squeezed his hand even tighter. Kwanach looked at me reluctantly as I lay there sighing.

I stammered.

“Di, Diaquit is a very greedy man. He was originally going to assassinate me on our wedding day, break the marriage alliance and start a war.”

I thought Kwanach would be shocked, or angry, and to heat up immediately, but surprisingly, he said nothing and looked quiet.

I didn’t know what he was thinking, but I overcame my nervousness and continued to speak.

“But he thought he needed a little more preparation for the war……He told me to buy me some time.”

From here, I explained to Kwanach what I had just deduced.

It was about the relationship between the Guilier, Roman, and Diaquit.

“He’s up to something. It seems that catching Roman is not the end of the problem.You have to be careful. And…….”

Now there was the last truth left to be told. I had to say I couldn’t give him what he wanted.

‘Children. I can’t have children.’

“Kwanach, I…I…”

I had to continue talking, but I suddenly choked up. The tip of my nose and eyes were tingling for reasons that I couldn’t even fathom.

Is it because of the guilt of having deceived such a kind man until now? Or…….

In my previous life I was depressed and lonely, and after my regression all I could think about was survival, so I never felt upset that I was infertile.

But trying to reveal the truth, a thought crossed my mind and shattered my mind completely.

I imagined a child who looked half like Kwanach and half like me. Kwanach was holding the baby and smiling gently.

I was not sure I would be a good mother, but I knew that Kwanach would be a good father. He was a kind man.

I don’t think we need to break our marriage then.

I would be able to stay with Kwanach forever.

When I thought about this, I felt sad for the first time that I couldn’t have children.

A hot feeling spread from my neck. Kwanach was still looking at me tenderly with a worried look in his eyes.

I closed my eyes tightly and said in a shaky voice,

“I, I deceived you. There will be a war if we don’t form a marriage alliance. …So I agreed to this marriage knowing that I couldn’t give you what you wanted.”

Kwanach froze for a moment. Not even breathing.

Then he spoke in a voice that was almost a painful groan.

“What I wanted to get from marriage? Do you mean that you can’t love me?” (Kwanach)

‘What does he mean love?’

His words were so unexpected that my head froze.

“What?” I asked.

“So that’s it. You mean you can’t love me no matter what I do?” (Kwanach)

“No, that’s not it. That’s not what I’m talking about, Kwanach. I’m…….”

Kwanach jumped out of bed, exhaling heavily. He stood with his back to me and held his face in his hands.

“I understand …… that you can’t help but hate me. You agreed to this marriage to prevent your country from being invaded……d*mn it. Yes, I know. I’m the one who came up with that kind of conditions.” (Kwanach)

Kwanach’s broad back trembled.

“But it was unlikely that you would marry me without such conditions. I really didn’t know what to do ……. I’ve never done anything like this before, and it was difficult for a person like me to have you….Even on our wedding day, I was nervous and worried.” (Kwanach)

Kwanach’s shoulders trembled more and more. I looked at him blankly and said in a bewildered voice.

“I’m not talking about that, Kwanach…I like you.”

Kwanach flinched and turned his head to look at me. I continued to speak, suppressing the hot emotions that were welling up in me.

“I’m still not sure what love is. I’ve never done anything like this before.” (Usphere)

“…….”

“But …… I’m worried that my lies will destroy our marriage, that I may never see you again…… I feel really scared and sad thinking about it. Is this love too?” (Usphere)

Kwanach, who had been hardened, hurriedly came back up to the bed and sat down. He wrapped my face with his rough hands.

“I……Do I love you, Kwanach?”

“Usphere…”

As soon as I said the word “love,” the tears I had been holding back finally ran out.

Kwanach hurriedly swept my eyes with his thumb. I said with a small sniffle.

“But what should I do? I’m the one you wanted but… I can’t give you a child.”

“What…..?”

“I, I can’t have children. That’s how I became after I awakened. I couldn’t tell you because I was afraid you would cancel the marriage.”

When I thought of Diaquit and Roman, my head, which had been running smoothly, slowed down in a mess. I didn’t even know what I was talking about anymore.

I didn’t want to cry, but my sobbing kept getting stronger.

“I know you’re disappointed in me……” (Usphere)

At that time, Kwanach, who had been stiff, bowed his upper body and hugged me. Lagging helplessly on the bed, I was led by the strength of Kwanach and settled in his arms.

I thought he would be angry. Why was Kwanach holding me so passionately?

I didn’t know the reason, but I buried my face into his chest and broke down in tears.

Kwanach held the back of my head and murmured in a shaky voice. The words that I had never thought I would hear resonated in my ears.

“What are you talking about? I didn’t marry you because of the children… It’s my fault to make you think like this. I don’t care if we don’t have kids. It doesn’t matter at all.….”