~~

Star

~~

Once I was on my feet and Artem pulled away from me, Chay grabbed my hand and began to pull me away.

“Come on, let’s get you inside. We need to talk.” She sounded so intent when she spoke, like there was still something wrong and she had to protect me. I didn’t know what the issue was but I let her pull me along. Just before I was pulled into the house I looked over my shoulder and gave a small wave to Artem. Telling him bye was the least I could do, right?

I didn’t miss the smile on his face when I waved at him either.

Chay didn’t stop pulling me along behind her until we were back in my room. She kept her hand wrapped firmly around mine as she stomped silently through the house. When we were back in my room she pulled me all the way over to the couch and sat me down. With a sigh she flopped down on the couch next to me.

“Chay? Is something wrong?”She looked really upset when I saw her face, something I hadn’t noticed when she was pulling me along behind her.

“Is-.” She looked like she was having trouble for a moment before she took a deep breath and tried again. “Is something wrong, she asks me. Is something wrong?”

Chay threw her hands in the air like she was frustrated. I had a feeling she was angry about something. And I was pretty sure I knew what it was.

“I’m sorry Chay.” I lowered my head in shame and fear.

“Sorry?” I had made it worse apparently since she seemed to shout that one word. I flinched reflexively at the volume and intensity of it. “What are you sorry for?”

“For causing problems. For ruining the day you had planned. For making things get complicated.”

“Are you serious?” She looked at me like I was some kind of pest, anger and frustration practically dripped off of her.

“I’ve cause so many problems.” I felt my eyes stinging now, like I was going to cry at any moment.

“Star!” She snapped at me, saying my name in a firm tone. I flinched again, unable to stop myself. “You have nothing to be sorry for. What have we told you before?” She was breathing heavily, like she was angry, but she was looking at me with sorrow in her eyes.

The tears I was fighting to hold back finally broke through my tenuous control. I didn’t know exactly why I was crying, this whole situation was my fault after all.

“Star.” She said my name again, but softly this time. “Sweety I am sorry.”

That was when Chay wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me against her, cradling my head against her chest. I felt Chay’s hands rubbing soothingly against my back as she rocked ever so slightly from side to side, so slightly that it was almost imperceptible.

“I’m sorry I sounded so angry.” Her voice was calm, soothing, as she held me against her. “I am not mad at you, Star. And you have nothing to be sorry for.”

I still didn’t know how to act in a world outside of the cellar. I still didn’t know how to act properly around people. I thought I had been doing so much better, but I guess I was wrong.

“Star, the only people at fault today is that bitch who tried to take you away and me.”

Chay’s words surprised me so much that I jumped and pulled away from her.

“You?” I asked her, knowing that my face must have mirrored the question that I was asking with the amount of confusion I was feeling. “What are you talking about Chay? This was all my fault.”

“That’s what I don’t get.” She looked at me sternly. “How can you blame yourself for what others have done to you?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re blaming yourself because that psycho ass twat waffle tried to kidnap you. How is that in any way your fault?”

“Well, I ran away from them, it only makes sense that they would try to get me back. And because I ran away from them I have done nothing but cause problems for all of you.”

“In case you have forgotten, remember that Artem was there that night to rescue you.”

“Only because I had tried running away before that night and ran into Kent.”

“Oh my Goddess, how the hell can you keep doing this? Stop. Stop it all. You are not at fault. The pieces of shit that call themselves your family are the ones at fault here. Them and me because I knew it was dangerous and I still left you alone. I still let you sit there with the chance of all of this happening.”

“But you could see me and I could see you, you had made certain of that.”

“Yes, but I never accounted for you being hidden from me by a large group of people. So I am still at fault and I will own up to that.”

“But-.”

“No buts. Accept it. I am partially at fault but that cara de pañal is most at fault here.” Chay still looked angry but her tone was much softer and gentler now. “There is something you need to learn to accept Star.” She was looking at me with determination but also something a lot softer.

“And what is that?”

“To stop blaming yourself. You were not the reason why those people treated you so badly. You were not the reason that your life was a living hell. You were not the reason your mother died. And you were not at fault for today. Nothing that we have done since you’ve been here is your fault either. You didn’t make us do anything, or not do anything. We all made our choices, and like pendejos we made decisions for you too.” She looked repentant now as she was lecturing me.